Dream Mosaic
by Delta Immortal
Summary: Despite being on different ends of the war, can Seifer get Zell to love him? Will Zell put up with Seifer being a jerk? Story timeline. Seifer x Zell HEY LOOK AN UPDATE HEY
1. Chapter 1

Title: Dream Mosaic

Pairings: Seifer/Zell

Disclaimer: Square owns final fantasy eight and all characters and items and locations. Some characters in later chapters may have been created by me, but since they exist in Square's world Square probably owns them, too.

10/12/09- Also, I've gone back and re-edited a few of the chapters. I have no beta reader, so every once and a while I see idiotic mistakes, and I'm kinda hoping to change some of that. And make the story clearer. It's been spread out through several years, and the story has changed a bit, enough to take out some old plot points and magnify others. You may re-read it if you like, but it will be for the most part, the same. Author's notes, save for this, will be taken out as chapters are edited yet again and any new notes will be placed on my profile.

A/N: It's been a while! Yay for quotation marks! Yay for updates!

Also in this story, aside from my first official battle scene, Zell likes bread. There are so many different variations of bread in Japan (filled with curry, cheese, sauce, or topped with potatoes or bacon or whatever), that saying Zell only likes hot-dogs doesn't really compare. So that's why the bread.

I hope it stays accurate to the game, and I hope you are unable to play the game the same way again.

Enough with my hopes. Let's give you all the fic.

…

…

…

…

Let's open up Pandora's box,

Let's see what lies inside

Spill the pieces on the table

Let us drink in their nonsense

Let them start to form into

Romance

…

…

…

…

Chapter One

…

Zell usually had the same dream every other night. He supposed this was his brain trying to tell him something, and still let him incorporate new things. He'd read somewhere that re-occurring dreams were important, but he'd had this dream for so long he'd just stopped caring.

Tonight was no different. It started off with Zell wandering down a long hall with mirrors for walls and no ceiling, just an empty blackness above and below him. Each mirror contained a different scene, bathrooms, bedrooms, faces- sometimes with people and sometimes without. He was waiting, waiting for the mirror he knew would come, a tall body mirror with an edge of red and black.

Every dream, Seifer was the one behind it. It wasn't the asshole he hated, no, this Seifer took him by surprise. With kind eyes and a face filled with a sort of loving or something, it took Zell off guard.

"Hello," Seifer would whisper and Zell could feel himself blush but he couldn't stop himself from entering in the mirror. This is where dreams varied, sometimes a game or sometimes a talk but Seifer kissed him sweetly into the moonlight as his words of the night before came to him. "Don't kiss me", he remembered. "Because then I'll fall in love with you, and you don't love me back."

Seifer struggled with Zell's coat, kissing him again. They pulled away, and Seifer held him tenderly. "I love you Zell. I'll always love you." It was too much to fight. Zell let Seifer move him onto the sand of the lake as they kissed, finally Seifer pulling away as he heard voices.

Pa and Ma were walking down the lane. Zell covered himself up but Seifer went back to kissing him, and Hyne help him, he couldn't stop himself from giving kisses back. He could see Pa shake his face at Ma. "I told you we didn't need a gay boy like him. He'll make us the laughingstock of the town." They moved off, and Zell watched them go, suddenly crying. Seifer wasn't anywhere to be found, and he was all alone again in the moonlight. Ma and Pa had left him, Seifer had left him, he was alone. His little five-year old hands barely wiped away the tears that came.

More footsteps. Zell hid away, but as Seifer appeared with Zell's clothes Zell hugged him, never wanting to let go.

Upon waking, Zell made his ritual vow to forget the dream, sighing softly into the room at night. It was so sweet, being loved and kissed and no one could reach him there in his dreams. Yet if he told her, he was convinced that Ma would leave him. How many times had Pa threatened to abandon him if he liked the other boys? Dreams were his only safe haven.

Besides, Seifer had never treated Zell as an equal before, much less a lover, despite all of Zell's attempts to show Seifer that he, too, could be a worthy adversary in fighting and in school. It had been in vain; Seifer only thought him loud and obnoxious. That's what had happened yesterday during the SeeD test. So what if Zell was interested in weapons? They had a sort of elegance about them, and Galbadian soldiers also wielded the gunblade. It would have been useful in knowing how to block it, since every block would be with Zell's own body. Yesterday, the only thing that happened with Seifer was a bunch of insults and abuse- Seifer had thrown a potion at him. Once.

It had been only half-full, anyway.

Then Zell remembered the night and formed a huge blush, glad he now had a single room. Seifer had acted like his dreams, not like an ass, He'd heard Nida- was that why? Was Seifer harboring the same secret?

Zell groaned; he didn't often think things through. Nida said everyone knew, so Zell'd have to act harder to seem normal; he couldn't let Ma down like that. Pa had told him enough times to haunt his dreams. His family didn't want a gay boy. They didn't want a pansy; they wanted someone to make them proud. So what if he had to give up his heart, as long as Ma was happy?

Pride. Zell snickered at himself. Last night, he had been bawling not because of Seifer, but because of his torn feelings. He wasn't afraid of the ass Seifer, but if Seifer had kissed him, he would have betrayed his family. At the time, the only thing he had wanted was a kiss, so he'd run- at the top of the hill he had caught himself trying to inhale Seifer's scent and staring into the eyes of a girl dressed in green. Embarrassed, he had gone down to get his clothes.

He felt tears. This wasn't fair. If Seifer were truly gay, if that was the only connection they had, he could have Seifer, and then Ma would hurt. Ma didn't deserve that. Zell sighed as he got up for the bathroom, deciding if he'd already done a sin in his dream he'd do another one. Why was he cursed, he wondered as he shut the door and locked it.

He stood before the mirror, and suddenly he could feel the air around him change. He touched his reflection and it grinned, suddenly stepping back, giving him a blown kiss before disappearing. To the mirror Zell whispered, "Show me Seifer."

Ripples danced along what appeared to be solid glass, and the scene changed into Seifer's room. Seifer was sleeping lightly, sleep troubled like Zell knew it always was. His eyes softened before he heard his own voice.

"He's no better than Nida. He's just upset that you got into SeeD, and wants to crush you. He hates you."

Zell's vision blurred, then he noted Seifer sitting up and staring straight at him.

………

Zell was beneath him. This was not strange, even for his dreams. No one was ever above him for no one ever took him. Such was the way of things.

The dream was familiar, as if he had been forgetting to dream about it. What had occurred was whispering to the smaller blonde, inviting him into bed through silky, velvety words that were subtle and sweet. It made Seifer's heart ache, but it did not surprise him.

What did surprise him, however, was that it simple, sweet, and g-rated. He was cuddling the martial artist, nuzzling Zell's neck, but nothing more. The expression on Zell's face, though unclear, was making him happy enough to stay like this forever.

"Seifer…" Zell murmured, "I always thought you hated me. Calling me Chicken and everything." When Seifer offered no explanation, Zell stopped him, forcing their eyes to meet. "Do you really not like me?"

Seifer opened his mouth but words couldn't form. He honestly didn't know. Zell's eyes showed hurt before he stopped and everything disappeared, taking Seifer's happiness along with it.

Seifer sat straight up in bed, suddenly seeing a crying Zell in the mirror before the image cut off suddenly. He rubbed his eyes, more stressed than anything. Why the hell was the chicken in his dreams now? Did yesterday have something to do with it? Perhaps it was because Seifer skipped out on Zell's ticket and now his guilt was coming back to him. Stupid Chicken-boy. Stupid Chicken. Stupid. This was all completely stupid. Maybe now all the years of his troubled sleep were coming back to haunt him.

He got up, deciding to get a drink. He managed to avoid the pile of clothes and staff of Raijin, managed to avoid hitting his toes on the table, but remembered his dream and walked into the sink. Growling, he took a glass and filled it up with water. Normally in a day, he handed the puffing chicken a ticket, not admiring his unclothed form-

Seifer winced as he mentally squished that thought. Drinking, he reformed them. The chicken was loud, distracting and beautiful.

Seifer choked on his water. Zell was not beautiful. All of this was because of last night where Zell had been swimming and naked and so… vulnerable, it just wasn't something he'd been expecting. That, along with the faint memory of promising to make Zell love him had been too much for his mind to handle.

Which bothered him. Seifer was an orphan, yet Zell had a family. They wouldn't have been able to meet at that age. Or maybe Seifer was remembering it wrong. That must have been it. It was some other blonde kid by the name of Zell. Yes.

He didn't believe that one bit, though he wanted to.

The gunbladist turned around, half-empty cup in hand, staring at his coat. That stupid chicken had been wrapped around in it, wrapped around in _his _coat. The thought was both offending and pleasing, and Seifer didn't want to picture the image that came with it anyway: Zell wearing Seifer's clothes as he trying to get a sense of security from them, like a girlfriend who wraps herself in her boyfriends oversized shirts.

It was a sign, Seifer decided. Zell had asked Seifer not to kiss him because it was what Zell had wanted most in the world and Seifer hadn't responded in the right way. But he could now, now that he'd had time to think about it.

If Zell was on the beach, naked, and wrapped in his coat again.

Damnnit.

He looked at the glass. He wanted something so stupid, but for once his heart was talking and it wasn't shutting up. His mind told him it was pointless, that Zell would never love him. He wasn't a SeeD, he was a bully, he wasn't anything to Zell. Why would his heart tell him these things now?

Maybe… if he followed his heart he'd be okay in life. That's the way it worked in storybooks, right? It explained why he'd have to suffer so much dealing with Squall and Quistis and unfair SeeD exams. He was going to have Zell and it would all work out in the end.

Things started to make a jagged sort of sense, pieces of a puzzle being jammed into each other. Forcing himself to draw conclusions, he decided it all made sense. Why he never liked Rinoa or Fujin or other women; why he was always trying to meet up with Zell. Hyne wanted them to be together; that's why he'd failed the exam, that's why they'd been paired together. Zell was meant to be with him.

He reached into his pocket, pulling out the gloves Zell had forgotten. Should he give those back now? Wait?

A certain timber princess would be leaving about now. He really hadn't expected her to show up at Garden, though he had said he'd help her out any time. It was awkward, the way she came up to him in her evening gown and asked him to take her to Cid. She would get the SeeDs, Cid was too softhearted to say no. Seifer had suspected for sometime it was a lead Garden Faculty- the ones with the hats and yellow skin- that was truly in charge of the entire garden. The way they commanded him around. The way that Cid looked at him with those puppy dog eyes as he said that he was sorry. The headmaster had said Seifer needed to work harder, to try and stick to the plan. Seifer had been responsible for what had happened to Zell and Squall, and if he had done as he was told and taken care of them, they wouldn't have been in danger. Yet Cid still held back, and rather than put blame on Seifer, Seifer had just been frustrated at everyone else.

Zell and Squall had made it to SeeD. Seifer remembered his anger and the glass broke, spilling onto pieces on the floor. Squall. Zell was obsessed with Squall.

He hated the stupid idiot. He _had_ tried to kill Squall yesterday morning, at that time. What the doctor had managed to cover up was Squall's stomach, a wound no longer there. Really, Squall wouldn't have wanted to remember that.

Squall had everything. He wanted none of it, everything Seifer wanted. Squall had popularity, he had the teacher swooning over him, he had everything a guy could ask for in garden. Squall had a reputation of a good fighter, now a SeeD with high expectations, even Seifer had to clap for in recognition.

It had killed him inside, though he didn't want to admit it. It hurt that everything he wanted (someone rather than Instructor Quistis swooning over him, thank you), Squall rejected like it was the plague. Squall had everyone love and admire him, and Seifer had everyone fear and respect him.

Was Zell really afraid? He kissed the gloves. He had to make this come together, he had to make this come out all right. It was the only thing in his life that he was suddenly sure he wanted. He wanted someone to hold him and tell him everything would be alright, he wanted someone to love him, someone to look up to him.

The irony caught up to him and he gave a few short laughs that might have come out as sobs if he'd let them. Who would look up to him now? He always failed these exams. He wasn't a lapdog, but he did manage to save a few lives, or thousands of gil. He'd failed, he was a student for _another _year (they didn't have any classes for him now, he'd passed them all) and the one he wanted to look up to him was a SeeD. There was no way Zell would curl into him at night.

He hurt again. Right in his chest, an unmanly sort of hurt. He was inferior and he hated it. He wanted to be loved and no one was there. He placed the gloves onto his hands and went into his room. He could visit Zell in the morning.

What would he do? What would he say to Zell? Seifer fell onto the bed, pretending the martial artist was there with him.

Since when had he liked this Chicken? It'd been so sudden, or hidden underneath the hatred of Squall. He hated Squall. Squall had taken everything away from him.

If only Squall didn't exist, he thought, watching the gloves strain with his large hands. If only Squall didn't exist, Seifer would be happy.

……

A lot changed when Seifer slept well. There were only a few instances in his entire lifetime, along with various kinds of attempts to sleep better. Pills, masturbation, exhaustion- no matter what, he just couldn't sleep. Perhaps this attributed to his grouchy persona. Perhaps part of his persona was the fact that he didn't want to get close to people to begin with.

Raijin had woken up soon after to find Seifer sleeping soundly- and for two straight hours. He'd left a note for Seifer rather than wake him up, and the sleeping blonde woke up an hour later.

When he woke up, Seifer felt a lot better. The sleep had been dreamless but appreciated nonetheless. He got out of bed, realizing he'd fallen asleep with Zell's gloves on and his hands were angry at him for it. Taking them off, he read the note Raijin had left him and snorted. Raijin was helplessly in love with Fujin. The man had suffered several broken shins and still wanted, _wanted_ to be kicked by her "kicks of love". Seifer sighed and opened the fridge, Only loquats left.

Breakfast and morning chores were finished quickly, not because it might be a school day, but due to the burning anticipation in his stomach. The corridors were empty- the day after the SeeD ball was always a holiday. People were sleeping off hangovers, giggling in bed with each other, studying- but whatever they were doing, it wasn't being done in the halls.

Seifer smirked. The SeeDs hadn't officially graduated and wouldn't until a month from now. No student was safe from Seifer, not even if they were SeeD, even if their rooms had changed. SeeDs never remembered that point, because their classes were passed automatically once they were accepted. No need for them to worry about getting other jobs. He touched the gloves with one hand and the cardkey in the other. Another burst of anticipation, and he wanted to run to the elevator.

The elevator was not the one that all the guests saw in the middle of the building. Instead, the dorm elevators were old and rickety, going to several floors consisting of hundreds of students as well as SeeD. Things would get pretty cramped on one level so they had lots of floors for that. But there was no need for guests to get confused so in the center of the building there were only three floors. On the sides there were more than twenty, some unnumbered.

Seifer hit the up button for the fourteenth floor. It was the only thing that was good that must have come out of the entire thing with Rinoa- Cid had those papers still on his desk. Seifer had put it to memory at the time so he could be extra vicious to the chicken as he ran, but now there were more important things to do. The elevator rattled dangerously and creaked to a stop, and Seifer got out, turning right. Numbers flew past until he saw the right one, heart beating into this throat. Hands trembling, he put in his key.

The door opened soundlessly.

Seifer had always liked those doors for their silence. He liked the rooms, for their private toilets (showers were still public until Zell reached a higher level of SeeD). Even if the room was right across from Zell's old one, the rooms were made differently. This room was clean and spotless, probably also due to Zell's obsessive-compulsive disorder rather than the moving. Things were still in boxes, though two overly-healthy plants were lined up on the tables. Seifer frowned; Zell hadn't seemed like a plant-person. He set the gloves down next to the plants and moved around again, shuffling through items like a raccoon until he stumbled across the most delicious sight in the entire apartment.

Zell's suits were hanging above the bed, and the dirty things from last night folded to perfection on the floor. On one shelf there were combat kings and other magazines while on the desk there was a photo of General Dincht, who had kept Adel away from the Centran Continent as well as Trabia and killed Adel's second-in-command.

Most importantly, Zell was sleeping in the room and Seifer licked his lips at the sight. It seemed swimming wasn't the only thing the chicken did naked. Quickly Seifer placed his gunblade down, He'd show Zell he was better than Squall, Moving to the bed, he added to himself, _I'll show him I can kiss who I please._ One stolen kiss to still his beating heart.

He leaned down, any trace of doubt vanishing. All he wanted in life at the moment was for Zell to love him. He would make Zell love him. Their lips came closer to each other, until Seifer could taste Zell's breath. He moved to finish the action.

At once, Zell snapped up and Seifer fell against the wall, his chest bruised.

…

Zell had heard clutter in his room, something where it didn't belong. He pretended to sleep and he cursed inwardly as he realized it was a person. Nida had followed him, came his thoughts. So when he'd felt the breath he came to life and snapped up, forcing the body as far away as he could. The fighter's eyes glared at the person.

"Morning to you, too, Chicken wuss," came the reply and Zell's anger transformed into horror as he clearly saw Seifer wince as Seifer touched the injured ribs. "Think you broke something," he mumbled, casting a cura.

"You aren't supposed t' have that magic," Zell stated, brain thinking more about the fact Seifer was about to kiss him. It was strangely sweet and tingly and tainted with guilt. "Get out of my room," he hissed, and Seifer sat back, just smirking. Confused, Zell grew quiet as he tried to think things through. Was that a husky promise? Or the way a predator looks before devouring its prey?

"I came," Seifer stated without shifting his gaze, "to return your gloves."

"Oh," Zell responded, suddenly coloring as he realized what Seifer was looking at. "Pervert," he hissed, covering himself up. "You just want a' easy lay. Easier t' get a guy if he's sleepin'."

Seifer may have been hurt, but he masked it. "No one wants an easy lay. Then it would mean nothing." He noted the way Zell blushed and he placed his hand under his chin. "Zell," he stated. Their eyes met and burned into the other's.

"Get out of my room," Zell told him, though the anger was fading away.

Seifer smirked again. "I think you are gay, Chicken," Seifer told him. "Don't be afraid." He leaned down, slowly.

Hyne help him, Zell started to lean upwards, despite the guilt. It kept him from wrapping his hands around the taller man, but it couldn't help him from leaning up. His eyes closed and he opened his mouth slightly.

Several knocks jarred them away from each other, Zell thankful for the distraction. "Yes?" he called, pulling away from Seifer, who growled and moved away, getting the hint.

"Train?" came the voice, and Seifer died a little inside. Squall. Since when did Squall want his paws on Zell? He must have seen Seifer enter the room and wanted to take Zell away.

Zell blinked, getting off the bed. "Just a sec," he stated, attempting to pull on his boxers without Seifer peeking. As soon as they were on, he moved to the door and opened it slightly. "Yeah?" he asked.

Squall blinked, looking in. "Is that Hyperion?" he asked, watching as Zell blushed a deep shade of red. "Are… are you busy, Zell?"

Seifer sighed as he hid behind the door. Zell took the hint and gave a grin. "Nah. I just was gettin' even."

Squall shrugged. "Well, I guess you'll be…waiting for him in…"

Zell laughed. "You woke me up. That's all." Squall shrugged again and walked off. Seifer noted by the walk that Squall was looking to train; he had the gaze and those particular pants and gloves. He needed to keep Zell away from that sort of poison, he needed to keep Zell next too him. As the door shut Seifer pulled Zell into his arms, trying to keep Zell next to him. There was no surprise as Zell pulled away automatically. "Stop. Get out."

Seifer grinned, pulling up a chair. "And if Squall sees me…" The glare on Zell's face was worth it. "Oh, we could give him something to talk about." Zell glared at him, trying to resist from hitting him. He held up his hands. "Sorry."

Zell handed him his gunblade. "Just get out," he stated, trying not to think about this so much.

"Let's train later today," Seifer suddenly offered. "That's why you wanted to see Squall's gunblade, right?" Inside, though, Seifer was panicking. His only goal in the statement was to keep Zell away from away from Squall. When Zell looked like he was considering it, Seifer suddenly grabbed his hand and waited for an answer expectantly. "Seven."

"Will you leave?" came Zell's question, though it was tinted with something else. He was still panicking, and suddenly, something snapped, though he wasn't sure what it was. Seifer was aware of being thrown out of the room. "Fine." After a few seconds, Zell placed Hyperion out of the room, not daring to throw it.

The marital artist wasn't sure if he should be overjoyed or feeling sick. He knew what he wanted, he just couldn't have any of it. It was more important to make Ma happy, right?

He clenched his fist, trying to remember that. Ma was more important than some random guy who would just use him. Hell, Seifer had pretty low moral standards if he was trying to get kisses this early in the morning. Seifer was just still obsessed with last night. Since when had Seifer ever liked him, right?

Zell bit his lip, wondering if maybe Seifer really was gay and for a moment, he wanted to go back out there and find out. He hoped a plate of bread would return him to his normal overly upbeat self and clear his mind.

…

Seifer was at the site two hours ahead of time, trying hard not to picture what Zell was wearing. Seifer hoped it would be that tight blue sleeveless turtleneck that matched Zell's eyes and showed off his chest. Waiting, however, started to turn into daydreaming and it was hard not to, with the gift he'd brought to make up for the past few months. Zell had to forgive him when Seifer presented the gift.

At roughly fifteen minutes before they were supposed to meet, a T-rexaur roared and Seifer hid slightly into the bushes. It wasn't that he was afraid; he just didn't want blood on his jacket. The bush rustled in front of him and he paled, but then a huge thud was heard.

Zell walked through the bushes and gave a slight grin. Judging from the slightly messy hair and the blood on his shirt; he'd been the one to fell the beast. Seifer acknowledged a slightly approving feeling inside him. He'd grossly underestimated Zell if Zell could pull off that. Suddenly, Zell stumbled and landed straight into Seifer's arms. The coat was dirty, but Zell really didn't look too good, either.

"T-rexaur, baby," Zell stated, slightly dizzy. Seifer felt his heart jump at "baby", and instantly handed Zell a hi-potion. Zell drank it, making a funny face and stretched his back as the potion took effect in a green swirling aura.

"Did you kill it?" Seifer asked, impressed.

"Of course," Zell stated, trademark grin on his face. "I mean, come on, what do you think I am? Helpless?" He stood up straighter. "Well, get this right, Almasy, I ain't helpless."

Just exactly as Seifer opened his mouth to speak, a cry emerged. "Oh, mother of Hyne, it's still alive!"

Zell sighed. "All right, so I used Sleep to work on my magic," he admitted, and Seifer gave a small grin. Zell hated that smirk, like Seifer had known all along. He rolled his eyes. "Well, then, let's train, and don't you get ta thinkin' that you're gonna hog all the experience."

"It will be one, if everything goes well," Seifer muttered under his breath. Zell ignored it as was already on his way, giving the monster the worst wake-up of its life. Seifer watched for a little bit, admiring the way Zell's arms, often used for obscene gestures, flew in perfect precision at their target. His entire being was dangerous, he was completely able to empty his head and focus, he was a damn good fighter. That was the difference between one who used a weapon and one who didn't; Seifer had to think, had to process angles and strength and strategy all at once, Zell was all muscle memory. His left arm blocked and his right foot would kick and it was all second-nature. Now, if the boy should ever strategize, bless his heart, he might have turned out to be a SeeD much sooner.

Seifer fired a bullet from behind, then slashed, trying hard to back away for Zell and keep track of when Zell was backing away. It was a stupid, simple mistake to hit your partner, and since neither was used to the other's style, they were a lot less risky in what they did. Zell let off a limit break as the adrenaline finally kicked in- Seifer kept his distance. The martial artist was all over the beast, aiming mostly for the back and stomach rather than the head. As he slowed, the beast swung its tail blindly, trying to get the annoying thing away from it. Only too late did Zell realize he was directly in the path of the tail. The mess of orange and brown came at him and he braced himself, the only thing he could have done.

Metal flashed and the tail fell away, the motion only serving to fling the dismembered limb into a rock. Zell gave a thank-you grin at Seifer before continuing to beat at the beast's chest.

Eventually, blood loss met with the damage of the heart and the beast fell over, giving a last breath and a shaky existence.

"Ever feel bad for them?" Zell asked as he reached into the Rexaur's mouth. He pulled out a tooth for his collection, and Seifer shrugged.

"There are massacres everyday, Zell," he stated with darkness in his eyes. Zell blinked, unsure of what Seifer was hinting at. Seifer shrugged. "Nevermind. Come here, I got somethin' for ya."

"Another hi-potion?" Zell asked hopefully, following Seifer into the blushes. The sight that awaited him, however, was better than fifty hi-potions. His old T-board sat, waiting for him to claim him.

"Since you're a SeeD now, I don't feel bad about giving it back to you," Seifer stated offhandedly. "You know, it was just rusting-"

Zell ran past him, suddenly inspecting every inch of the board, exuberant that the entire board was exactly the same. "Oh, man, Seifer, this is AWESOME!" he yelled, face completely overjoyed.

It reminded Seifer bitterly of the dream. "Yeah. Get on with you, now, you can't train today with that T-rexaur blood on your shirt." Zell looked up at him with those blue eyes and Seifer felt them bare into his soul, and every part of him wanted Zell in some way, whether to hurt him and make him empathetic to the pain Seifer felt or to hold him or to treat him with respect.

"Thank you," Zell told him, suddenly starting up the board and riding out of the center. Seifer sighed and looked up at the sky, already dark.

"You still aren't supposed to ride it inside garden, you idiot," he stated, somehow feeling more tired than he was last night. He left the bushes to find Quistis, watching him with those all-knowing eyes. Seifer flinched; he hated those eyes, especially from her. They were the same age, and yet she…

"Seifer… you aren't trying to bribe him, are you?" she asked softly. The gunbladist jumped at her accusation, at how realistic it was, and then Quistis continued. "Really, Seifer, whether or not you make it to SeeD doesn't depend on how well you make friends with SeeD members. It really depends on how reckless you are. A show like yesterday will just lead in failure."

Anger filled him. "I'm NOT reckless!" he told her, remembering the embarrassing talk of yesterday. "I should be a SeeD!!"

"I should be an instructor," she told him softly, and Seifer blanched, trying not to remember how he'd dragged her down into it. He'd been personally responsible for her downfall, lashing out at her. And she had taken it, accepted it quietly and knowingly, as if this was going to happen for some time.

"Well, we're _both_ failures, then," he responded quietly, walking away.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Leaves were burning, a strange scent being lifted into the night air. Matron didn't know; nobody knew, and Seifer needed to keep things that way. Granted, he was only five years old, but he knew what was happening. The mirror had already broke but it was a matter of time before Matron got a new one- he had to keep _him_ here.

He watched the fire with half-crazed eyes of enjoyment, drinking in every movement a lick of flame took. The leaves shivered and cried out, dying though they were still wick. He could sense magical energy about them- they were trying to summon something. The fire just grew, and suddenly a scream let out from the house.

Seifer ignored it; Quisty had just probably gone and scared _him_. Though it did suddenly make him feel far away from the fire, the one that was burning in the lighthouse. He wasn't stupid enough to make it close to the house. The fire kept burning and suddenly someone was running towards him. "Seifer!" She yelled. "Get inside _now!"_ Matron didn't bother making his fire stop, which scared Seifer more than her tone. He quickly ran into the house, wondering what his punishment would be- until he saw all the other orphans running around.

"What's going on?" he asked in his swaggering tone to Squall, who rolled his eyes and kept walking towards the kitchen. Seifer was worried.

It was Ellone who answered him. "_He's_ got a fever," she explained. "If we don't bring it under now, _he'll_ die." The explanation fueled Seifer over to _his_ bed, seeing beads of sweat on the boy. _His_ face was all red and flushed, and as Seifer touched _his_ arm, he felt the familiar fire. The white sheets of the hospital swirled around the boy for a bit, like smoke.

That wasn't what he had wanted! The fire was for the leaves, not for the boy in front of him! "I didn't mean to kill you," Seifer whispered to the runt as Matron lifted _him_ up and into a tub filled with ice.

"Ellone, you have to watch over the kids," she told the only other person older than six. "I've got to get _him_ to a hospital." With that, she casted a float on the box to lighten it up and took hold of the handles. "Seifer'll come with me," she decided. "I need him to open the truck doors."

Seifer wondered if his punishment for setting the fire was going to be to watch _him_ die. He nodded and ran up to the beaten-down truck, opening the back doors and helping Matron adjust cables to keep the box in place. All the while, the little blonde boy was murmuring and whining as his four-year-old body dealt with the extreme temperatures. Matron started up the truck with a lightning spell and Seifer held _his_ hand tightly, trying to take some of the fire away. "Can't you just magic him better?" he asked, trying hard not to cry. He'd never cried before, but now his anger had decided to take away his friend.

"Not for illness," she told him, trying to comfort the blonde firestarter. "We'll be there soon, Seifer, just keep watching over him."

"Water," came the parched cry, and Seifer looked around frantically. Finally, he placed in a really cold ice cube into the whimpering boy's mouth, letting him suck on it. He held the boy's hands; he petted the boy's hair. "Don't worry," he whispered. "I'll take care of you. That's why we're friends, right?"

"I dun wanna play no more," came the accusatory voice, and Seifer-

- jumped awake.

Cursed dreams, he decided, placing his head in his hands. While little Seifer in the dream might have known who the boy was, Adult Seifer had quite forgotten him, and the GFs weren't helping him any. Besides, who cared? It was just a stupid dream anyway.

The sun was barely awake and therefore long shadows danced to the wind, dancing across his skin. The gunbladist played with the shadows until one fell away from him, the sun a little higher. Maybe he should pay another visit to Zell. Maybe he should show Zell he cared.

Maybe turned into a definite as the gray scrap of elevator descended, beckoning him to come forth and go to his love. He'd left his gunblade behind so it wouldn't be so carelessly discarded like yesterday. He'd tried to leave his ego behind. Seifer was convinced they were meant to be. Now, all he had to do was convince Zell of it.

Seifer opened the door, but there was no greeting, save for the flowers. They seemed to welcome him and giggle at him at the same time, and Seifer wondered what on earth Zell could want them for. He'd already been in the apartment before, though, so he shut the door and went for the main attraction.

A slightly amusing sight lay before him. Rather than seeing Zell first thing, he saw the T-board, held tightly against the martial artist. So Zell had liked it. Quite a lot. Seifer smiled despite himself. Slowly he moved the board out of Zell's grip, trying hard not to wake the sleeper. The scarred blonde managed to get the board resting against a wall before a little complaining mumble hit his ears. During the time Seifer hand taken to put the t-board up, Zell had been subconsciously searching for the missing object. When Seifer turned, Zell managed to find Seifer's hand, pulling him into the bed. "Stay," Zell mumbled, pushing Seifer against the wall. Seifer was frigid until Zell's breathing regulated and Zell's face softened.

Slowly, Seifer began tracing Zell's face. "Okay," he replied, kissing the sleeper's forehead, feeling sleepy himself.

"Don' do that," Zell murmured, "Pa'll get upse'..." Seifer paused at the mention of "Pa".

Eventually, he decided to ignore this and tried to listen to Zell's heartbeat instead. Terribly romantic, yet noninvasive. Like this, Seifer could feel Zell's chest rise and fall. Like this, he could feel Zell's heart beat, a pulse that was strong and that Seifer desperately wanted to match for whatever reason.

Then the question popped into his mind- what if someone knew? He'd tried to avoid anything to do with the blonde because he hadn't really remembered before; or maybe he didn't want to have his disciplinary committee license revoked. Who was he to suddenly go after anybody? His addiction to the rules had made sure he was the model student- aside from his temper…

It had been so much fun to watch Zell get all flustered, so much fun to watch Zell upset. Zell's over the top way of responding (usually with rude movements), but he hadn't caught himself admiring.

These thoughts could wait, he decided, falling asleep.

……………

Zell awoke to Selphie knocking on his door. "Zell, we've got a mission!" she practically screamed, jumping up and down (or at least, Zell thought she was by the way his books moved up and down with the loud thumps coming from the same location her voice was in). "Meet us by the front gate at ten! I can't wait! On our first official day as SeeDs, too!" She left, and Zell sighed and snuggled in closer to the convenient warm thing that was in his bed.

Surprise took him, but he didn't jump. Instead, he just opened his eyes wide to take in the sight, then his mind reeled to wonder just when Almasy had gotten into his bed. His head wasn't hurting, so he wasn't drunk; the T-board had been moved, though Zell was sure he'd fallen asleep next to it. (He'd almost dared to think the T-board had turned into Seifer).

Finally, he decided Seifer had crept into his bed, and since he had, Zell could do whatever he wanted to him. Smirking, Zell decided to curl up some more, not wanting to be late but wanting to enjoy this even a little. He even went so far as to listen to Seifer's steady breathing, his heartbeat, knowing he wouldn't get another excuse to. Suddenly, he realized he was falling asleep and to bring himself out of it he leaned up and kissed Seifer's neck so Seifer would-

Which woke Zell up quite a bit. He'd just- oh, shit- oh… He knew his face was all red and he was glad Seifer wasn't there to see it. Seifer, however, seemed a to wake only slightly and smiled, suddenly holding Zell tighter.

Ideas flashed through Zell's mind. Maybe he could try to take advantage of Seifer like this. "Do you like that?" he whispered, and Seifer's face just glowed for a second. Without warning, Seifer rolled on top of Zell, murmuring "mine" in his ear. Zell tried not to groan. Seifer wasn't too heavy, but it was uncomfy and he didn't want to wake the gunbladist. "I've got a mission today," he whined.

The response was "quit". Zell gave a smile at the cuteness of the situation and sighed, trying to think things through for a moment. He wondered why Seifer was doing all this now- maybe it was a new form of torment. Maybe Seifer had finally noticed him. Guilt ate at him as he touched Seifer's face, knowing he shouldn't enjoy it. "Seifer… you have to let me go," he whispered, and Seifer's face shuddered, suddenly trying to hold Zell tightly.

"I don't wanna," he muttered, and Zell's heart suddenly wrenched, despite the fact that half of him was thinking Seifer was awake and mocking him.

Zell sighed as he pondered on what he was going to do next. Seifer wasn't going to let go unless he could convince him, and all Zell had managed was to make him upset. Sighing, he relented to a shameless idea. Moving up to Seifer's ear, he whispered. "Baby, why don't you let me up and get into something less constricting?"

It was a horrid quote. It was off some chick-flick he'd seen once in his self-defense class (who knew so many women would take that class?). Worst of all, it worked. Seifer suddenly felt awkward on Zell and let Zell go. As Zell stood up Seifer grabbed the pillow into his face and sighed contentedly, and Zell watched, unsure of what to do. Wake Seifer up?

Maybe after he got changed. Blushing, he quickly pulled on his clothes and stuffed his bag with a few items- hair gel, gloves, and a picture of Ma. He sighed as he stared at the clock- less time than he thought he had. Quickly he did up his hair and looked back out at the bed. Seifer was still face-buried in the pillow.

"Seifer," he stated, throwing his bag onto the gunblader. Since it was his room, he wasn't worried about pissing Seifer off- who had trespassed?

Seifer literally snarled as he woke up, suddenly freezing as he realized his place (and something else). "You're up?"

"No thanks to you," Zell told him, reaching for his bag. Suddenly Zell was underneath Seifer again and he made no hesitation to throw Seifer off him. "Get out of my room!" he stated. "It's bad enough you try crap like this outside in the training center, but in-"

"I like your new room." Seifer stated. "You can keep plants, right? You like plants."

Zell's eyebrow just twitched. "What." He stated. Where was Seifer even going with that line? (To be fair, Seifer had no idea where he was going with that line, either). "Yes, I like plants. They're useful and stuff. Make me oxygen."

Seifer smirked. "I can give you oxygen," he murmured.

"Bad line," Zell told him, throwing the pillow at the form in the corner. "What am I, a woman?"  
Seifer chuckled. "I remember one time when you flew your t-board into the women's restroom."

"I'm not a woman!" Zell yelled at him, as if Seifer were being serious. "You need to leave 'cause I've got a mission, and you're making me late!"

Seifer blinked, then shrugged, standing up. "I know you aren't a woman, chicken." When Zell seemed to seethe, he continued. "Listen, when you come back-"

"Stop trying to make fun of me!" Zell shouted at him. For once, his temper had gone to something other than his fists.

Seifer looked at him and Zell swallowed. Seifer's eyes were those same weird ones again. Seifer moved next to him on the bed, taking his hands quietly. Zell wasn't sure why he was letting his enemy touch his hands. "I'm trying to ask you out, chicken."

"An' your calling me _names_?" came the startled response. It wasn't what Zell wanted to say, but he couldn't find the clarity to say what he meant. Seifer wanted to ask him out.

Hyne, they already dated, didn't they? A T-rexaur date. Filled with blood loss and t-boards. Panic overtook him.

"I'm not trying to be mean," came Seifer's whisper, but Zell had already fled the room on his t-board. The clock read 10:01.

Seifer sighed. He was late for his own meeting.

…………

Quistis hadn't shown up which left Seifer for a lot of thinking. No instructor made the silence of the lock-down room bearable. There were always amounts of paper to be had, old diaries of others who had been before him and Seifer could already see his. It was so they wouldn't die of boredom.

Still, it was salt in his wound. The headmaster had told him with pity-filled eyes that he still had one year left, that he needed to try and control his temper. Seifer's temper had been controlled. He had seen the enemy and done what he needed to do. Why was he getting punished for this, again? His plans had worked.

Maybe it was really for leaving the three behind in the tower. He hadn't meant to put them in danger, he hadn't known. The clear-out command was only given after everything was supposed to be clear. The tower was the only thing that wasn't; because no one was smart enough to figure it out.

He remembered seeing the three onto the boat, Zell's angry eyes flashing at him as Quistis moved to tend to a somewhat wounded Squall.

Squall was such an idiot. He made every vein in Seifer's body fill with hot, seething anger. Squall was even in charge of this next mission, he had heard. Stupid Squall, ruining Seifer's life.

He sighed as his eyes closed, thinking of the blonde that morning. Flustered, taken aback, and anger were the only things he had gotten. Maybe he had to work on his delivery Maybe he had to control his ability to tease. He'd practice. He'd try to be rational and-

"Hey, Seifer!" came the hushed statement, and Seifer looked up and the huge Raijin who had tried to squeeze himself into the air vent. Every time he saw this Seifer cringed, but Raijin always came with information. "Guess what? That tower, from yesterday… The Galbadian president is going to use it with the Timber station, ya know! He's announcin' some sort of message, ya know?"

"Figures," Seifer stated, shrugging. "Thanks, Raijin."

Raijin grinned. "Anytime, ya know. The message'll be tomorrow morning, if you want to see it, ya know." With that, the man somehow managed to quietly make his way back to wherever he had come from.

Sometimes, Raijin scared him.

Suddenly the doors opened Quistis walked in, official and apparently unaware that she was not actually an instructor at the moment and really shouldn't be in charge here. "Seifer," she acknowledged. "You'll be happy to know no one was penalized in for being late this morning."

It was just the tone of her voice that pissed him off. As if she _knew_, or thought she did. As if everything he did was the most obvious thing in the world. That wasn't true. He wasn't that easy to read. He glared at her, and didn't say a word. She continued. "Of course, it would help if Cid hadn't called me to go after them and give them something. Why he forgot it, I'll never know."

"He's stupid," came Seifer's reply. "Probably sent all three rookies to clean up a town, too."

"Sort of," Quistis agreed. "With an indefinite time period in Timber."

Quistis later swore she had heard a snap come from within the gunblader. "All three rookies?' he asked. "In Timber, with no set time?" His eyes were black and she figured he was running gruesome scenarios through his head.

"That's all correct," she stated, sighing. "Although, you know, it was the lady you brought in last night whom they got assigned to. Timber Owls, I think. Or maybe, Timber Hooters…"

"What?" Seifer yelled, suddenly standing up. Rinoa wasn't much of a thinker. He'd spent time with the Owls, trying to teach them to fight and it didn't work out so well. They were stupid and uncoordinated and they would always get in trouble because they didn't think wisely on the information they received. It was suicide, Rinoa would think she could "kidnap" the president or something and they'd all be slain. Part of the reason he'd left in the summer. "They might end up fighting the whole Galbadian force? And all they dispatch are 3 rookie SeeD members?"

Seifer didn't worry about the normal SeeDs, but Zell and Squall and… the girl were far too inexperienced. They couldn't even keep up with him in the test. "Damnit! _I'm_ going to Timber!"

Quistis's whip snapped more in self-defense than attention-getting. "Seifer Almasy, you will sit down! This is all your fault, you know! You introduced her to Cid, you tied his hands to make him give her the SeeDs, and you lead those two to their SeeD ranks. If you had _ever_ wanted to go to Timber, you should have passed the exam!"

The words hurt and shocked Seifer back into his seat. Quistis sat at her desk, regretting the words she had chosen. She knew the SeeD test wasn't easy. Seifer's only inability to pass was the inability to stick to orders. He followed them, carried them out, but then he got the idea that he should do something more. And that's where his troubles started.

Or so they said, but sometimes Quisitis would look at his results, and find no real reason why he hadn't passed. It worried Quistis. When she pointed it out, they'd threatened her teaching position- when Seifer called her on teaching, she took it, more as a "fuck you" to the garden staff. Nobody liked the yellow marshmallows.

Seifer pretended to sleep for the rest of the time, thinking about his escape plan while Quistis lamented over Squall's inability to care and the mysterious girl she and Squall had seen the night before while putting on the façade of reading a book. "Ellone," she had muttered, and Seifer's head snapped up.

"What?"

"Nothing," Quistis stated, going back to her book. "Just reading out loud."

Silence ensued, and soon enough the alarm beeped to let them know more people were coming inside. Seifer moved up to get writing paper before the last of it disappeared. Quistis looked at a smooching couple, disgusted. No wonder they had been told to come here in the first place.

A scream drew her attention. Seifer had suddenly fired a Fira (again, something that was against the rules) at the back of the room and created panic, but more importantly (as Quistis saw it), it also created a chance to escape. Quickly she hit the button for back-up, unable to chase after him now that there was a fire. Her main job was to get everyone to safety.

Seifer had been counting on it. He kept running, past surprised SeeDs. Most thought he was running for the fire extinguisher, so they let him pass. His only problem now was to find an exit that wouldn't be crawling with SeeDs or too obvious. Quickly, he thought of the staircase no one used anymore and fled to the basement, to the confiscated item room was. Maybe he'd find something in there.

There were old, rusty items, but one thing stood out more than anything else- Zell's T-board. Obviously it had been confiscated that morning, a sign from Hyne that Seifer needed to help.

The only problem with that was he had no idea how to use the damn thing. It'd be better to take it outside and then run with it, as opposed to trying to deal with people and corridors and doorways. The blonde grabbed the board and moved out the door. He could hear the people yelling at him and hid quickly, shutting the door. He hid behind the board, and suddenly, he heard two familiar footsteps. "Seifer? It's us, ya know?"

"HYPERION," Fuujin added, and Seifer crawled out from his hiding place.

"Thanks, you two," he told them, placing the blade back where it belonged. "How bad is it up there?"

"Oh, it's supposed to be hush-hush, ya know? But, still… there's got to be another way out, ya know?"

Seifer nodded, sighing. "I think there's an old maintenance tunnel around here. I'll be off then. Take care, you two."

The two watched him run off, knowing what they said couldn't change his mind. They may have been friends, but they knew telling Seifer he was doing something stupid wasn't going to stop him from doing it. Besides, he had a lucky streak and they doubted if he would die. Raijin starched his head. "I'll never get him, ya know?"

Well, maybe Fuujin understood him, at least. She watched Seifer disappear with her one good eye and turned, kicking Raijin. "ALONE," she stated.

"He doesn't have ta be, ya know? We could be with him, ya know?" Raijin rubbed his leg, but Fuujin ignored it, walking up the stairs. She hadn't known of the tunnel down here. How on earth did Seifer know?

………

Balamb was a quiet little town, and for that reason Seifer didn't care for it. Sure it had its movie theater, or its tiny bars, but it wasn't really all that exciting. He'd been here on frequent occasion before he was allowed to spend summers far away from Garden (hello, Timber!) but he had gotten sick of it, and wasn't here enough to know the people.

He knew one household in particular and was almost ashamed to say it was the only household he'd known. Zell had pointed it out as they passed it in their car on the way to the mission, and Seifer had scoffed, rolling his eyes. But now he could see it in a different light; a place where Zell had been raised as a kid, a place where his Pa apparently got upset, and a place where maybe Seifer would be visiting more often if everything went well. He knocked on the door, and a woman came to answer it almost instantly. "Hello." He began, holding out the T-board in an awkward way.

"Is that Zell's T-board? Oh, you're so kind to bring it to him," came her response. "He's always forgetful. I worry sometimes it's because he overexerts himself and ends up sacrificing his memory."

Seifer swallowed, unsure of what to say. "Just let him know I brought it back," he stated, almost seeing a small figure on the stairs before the woman offered him tea. "No, thank you, Mrs. Dincht," he uttered.

She paused, watching his eyes before she nodded. "Seeing something, dear?" came her question, and Seifer blinked.

"Ah, no…maybe I'm just picturing a little Zell 'cause Zell never shuts up about his house, and how much he loves his Ma." It was a pathetic cover, but it worked. Mrs. Dincht called him a sweet boy and took back the t-board and Seifer moved away from the house and moved to the station, puzzled by what he imagined.

The whistle blew and Seifer winced- he'd forgotten the time talking to Zell's Ma. Quickly he ran to the ticket counter, purchased his ticket and flew onto the train. He grabbed the last compartment and he locked it, and the train began to move. It didn't feel any different from the last time he'd left Timber, or went, and he found himself dozing to pass the time.

…………

It was suppertime. Seifer hurried to his seat, hurried to eat whatever feast had been prepared for them. Noting a change in the number of plates, Seifer decided to let whoever was in charge know. "Hey!" Seifer yelled at Quisty. "You forgot the crybaby!"

She turned to glare at him. "He's not eating here anymore. He got adopted."

Seifer scoffed. "A crybaby like him couldn't _ever_ get adopted," came his boyish reply. Soon, all the kids scrambled to their seats, and Matron made them say thanks, and Seifer realized the crybaby wasn't going to come.

Seifer didn't feel like eating that entire meal. In fact, the only thing he felt like doing was crawling into the crybaby's bed and sniffle a bit. Not that he actually cried; he'd already done enough of that as a baby. His heart felt heavy with regret and he swore one day he'd destroy whoever took Zell away and get him back, and do everything better the next time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter three**

…

It was typical of Zell to go up to the lighthouse when everyone else was having fun. Zell had ratted them out to Matron for having fireworks and crawled up there probably because Seifer was going to beat him up. Seifer knew all too well he would try to attack Zell and that's why his feet were headed toward the lighthouse. Who was he to fight nature, really? He could already hear the sniffling.

As he entered the lighthouse, boards creaked underneath his weight- only someone as small as the crybaby had any chance of actually coming up here and making it without falling through the burned wood.

About a year ago, when Zell was sick, the lighthouse caught on fire and since then Seifer was banned along with everyone else from entering. Well, Seifer assumed everyone else.

A piece of paper floated down to his hands, and Seifer plucked it out of the air. Different things with wings were etched on it. A bird, a butterfly, a pig. Chocobos were rampant. Zell's head peeped over the side and he stared at Seifer, obviously not expecting him here.

"What do you want?" he asked, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. "If you try an' hit me, I'll tell Matron 'gain."

"You don't have wings," Seifer retorted, violence forgotten. "You can't have them." There was something almost bitter about the night air. Luckily, a crumpled paper aimed at his head was enough to made the deeply filled atmosphere vaporize.

"I want them back," Zell yelled at him. "You took them from me! You took everything from me!"

_He's saying his 'k's now, _Seifer thought. "You came here." Came his voice. "Zell, let's not fight over this. You havta stay here; you're an orphan now."

"I'm not," came Zell's quiet reply. "Once Matron getsa mirror, I'm going back home."

"I'll break it." The threat hung in the air and Zell sniffled. Seifer climbed up a bit. "Matron's finished scolding us, you can come back. Selphie put some bugs in your bed- you can sleep in mine."

"Spiders?"

"Losta 'em."

Zell shivered and he sat down. "Why does everybody hate me?" he asked quietly. "Don't they know they might've died?"

"Matron froze 'em all. You spoiled our fun." Seifer started climbing up to Zell. "Come on, Zell. Matron hates it when you sleep up here."

Zell scooted away from Seifer's hands. "There are beautiful glass panels up there. Sometimes, I can see the moon's reflection." Zell was rambling to himself. "It's not mean to him."

"Zell, reflections aren't mean," came Seifer's words, and Zell looked up from the pictures he had. Seifer was awfully close. "Come back with me."

"You hate me too," was Zell's response. "I'll sleep on the floor."

"I can't protect you on the floor." Seifer sighed. "Come on, Zell, we haven't slept together since you got your own bed."

"You trapped me here." Zell got up, following Seifer down the ladders and down the remnants of stairways before leaving onto the beach. The boy turned to face the moon and Seifer watched him go into the water, skinny-dipping in the lake at garden.

He came out, every inch the body he remembered from just a few nights ago. There was a sudden pause, and then Zell grinned at him-

As the train lurched to a stop.

"Timber. Timber is the current stop."

Seifer rubbed his sleepy eyes, trying to remember why he was here. As soon as it came back to him he stood, completely focused. The president was in Timber (according to Rinoa's statements the night before- plus Raijin had said something about the president on TV). Well, it wouldn't be too hard to find- he'd just follow the black limo that was pulling out of the station. Part of his mind wondered: If he caught the president before the group did, would Seifer die? Would Zell hold him as he coughed blood?

It seemed hopeless, but that was Seifer's life wasn't it? He could sacrifice himself. He would die a hero and his life would have meaning again. Everyone back home would love him for once.

"Look, we don't have time for this. A rouge SeeD cadet is on this train!"

Seifer caught his breath. Quistis was looking for him. Of all the people, _Quistis_ was looking for him. How the hell had she gotten on the train?

"I'm sorry m'am, but without a ticket you cannot pass. You'll have to buy one at the station."

Seifer sighed. That would save him a bit of time, though he could tell by the ugly wasteland that the image in the windows was going to be Timber soon. The land was scarred with ashes and tree stumps that never vanished after the war. He leaned up against his reflection in the mirror. The scar really didn't suit him. It was all wrong, and Zell'd probably flinch from it or something…

"Why are you so attracted to him?" came the question. Seifer sighed, closing his eyes. Why was he attracted?

He found Zell attractive. Did he need more reason? Zell was his, and there was nothing more to it. "He's mine," came Seifer's reply, and quietly he opened his eyes. Yes, Zell was his, which was why he was going to save Zell. If he saved Zell he would be forever in Seifer's debt, and that would give Seifer lots of leverage as well as something to talk about with him.

_Do you remember when I saved you, Chicken? You kissed me just to know I was real…_

The train slowed and Seifer scanned the car to see if Quistis still remained. Obviously she'd gone back to wherever she'd been forced to go back. He ran- He ran because he knew he'd have little time, he ran because he needed to find Rinoa and Zell. He remembered the last time he was here, when he and Rinoa used to crawl through the basement of a building into the connected TV station and talk about all sorts of things. It had been his summer mission- he wasn't SeeD, but he would still do jobs for no pay to "improve his chances" sort of deal.

He kind of missed Timber. With its many trains and all sorts of resistance groups, Timber was a happening place. People were trying to go places, trying to be things, struggling for greatness. It was definitely full of fond memories.

Also, Timber Maniacs Publishing Co had their headquarters here, and who didn't enjoy reading battle monthly? Even Zell picked it up on occasion.

"Mister Seifer, sir!"

Seifer winced involuntarily. Watts. The one who was really annoying and couldn't fight an orange. At least he was good at getting information. "Hey, Watts."

"This is awesome, sir!" Watts told him, huffing. "The princess and the SeeD are going to the TV station, but the patrols just started and-"

"Going to the TV station?" Seifer inquired.

Watts nodded vigorously. "Yes. The President is giving a speech soon."

Seifer was gone in a flash. The TV station wasn't that far. It was obvious to him that Rinoa was going to capture the President, and he knew Squall would look at the President and give the almighty command of "…Whatever." And they would all _die_ and Zell wouldn't ever get to kiss him and-

Had he even had that much of a breather yet? It didn't matter, really. The crowd was growing thicker and Seifer managed to spot the building. He took a quick right and walked down the stairs, suddenly hearing someone talking to the guards above. "He's a blonde, with a gunblade."

Quistis. "Damn, she's fast," Seifer cursed, pushing on the hidden door.

"H-hey!" came a voice. A blue faceless soldier stood in shock behind it.

There wasn't much choice. _Down he goes_, Seifer knew. It wasn't as if Seifer had much choice. If he let the man live, he'd be killed. He lunged and the soldier quivered but fell to the ground. Seifer didn't bother to check back to see if the man died instantly. Good for him if he survived. He moved towards the TV station stairs when suddenly bullets were fired. Seifer scoffed and fired back, hitting one faceless blue soldier in the knee, and the other stopped firing to take care of him.

"Seifer!" came a cry from behind him, but Seifer ignored it, slashing his way through blue on the stair. He made it to the studio section, and all was quiet for a moment before he realized he was staring into the eyes of a very pretty and familiar woman. Her hair was decorated in all sorts of ornaments, and her dress had black feathers- black, as if an omen. She looked into his eyes, and unwillingly he moved aside, bursting into the camera room. The woman disappeared as suddenly.

"Who are you?" a crewmember asked, but the soldiers were up in arms, charging. Seifer kicked one and threw the other two into a camera and fired warning shots. Quickly he placed Hyperion across the President Deling's almighty neck, wondering if killing this man would make him a murderer or a hero.

At this point, Quistis rushed in. Assessing the situation in her almighty instructor manor, she flicked her whip at the guards inching closer to Seifer. "Stay back!" she called, but one soldier walked calmly towards the gunbladist as if he were a rabid dog. Deling hissed as the gunblade tightened on his neck and the soldier retreated. "For the last time, stay back! You're only going to provoke him."

Seifer chuckled somewhere inside himself, beneath the fact that he was in a sweat because he didn't think there was a way out of this situation and that Deling and Cid and Garden and everybody pissed him off at this moment, somewhere he realized Quistis thought him wild too, and he doubted anyone would be able to "tame" him in this moment.

Deling breathed. That was unacceptable. He growled at him and Deling wet his pants. Really, he was a pathetic old man with nothing but greed and power, in Seifer's opinion.

He looked up to realize Quistis was shouting at the camera, and he realized who would be coming soon.

Squall. Squall would be fine, he was composed and a hell of a rival, but Zell… If Zell was in the wrong mood, he'd give away everything. This was not going to end well.

"All you blue boys, get out _now_," he hissed. "Or his head goes off."

"I'm your ticket out," Deling snapped, but Seifer drew blood. He didn't really care. The soldiers obeyed instantly.

……

Zell was the first one on the scene. _What the hells he doin'!?_ he thought to himself. They locked eyes for a moment. It was hard to tell what Seifer was thinking. Somewhere, Zell knew Seifer was scared. But when he looked into his eyes he only saw rage and anger and an extreme want of control of the situation. This wasn't happening, Zell thought. Once it was out on TV, which it was, Garden was going to cut all ties with him. He'd never be a SeeD. Wasn't that Seifer's dream? Zell shook his head. He didn't understand Seifer at all.

Squall managed to sigh as he assessed the situation much differently. Seifer was being Seifer. Again. Hotheaded and always the hero, coming to save them when they weren't even there. "What do you think you're doing?" he asked, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Seifer used Hyperion to gesture, and partially to let Deling see that he was bleeding. "It's obvious, ain't it? What are you planning to do with this guy?"

Squall frowned. "Planning to do?" he echoed, muttering to himself. "That's right," he said quietly, "he knows Rinoa. Is that why he's here?"

Unfortunately, Zell picked up on it and pieced the puzzle together. This created two problems- he needed to talk to work it out, and the prospect of figuring out Seifer's motives made him excited that he'd finally done it. And when he was excited and was going to talk, shit was going to hit the fan. "I get it!" he shouted. "You're Rinoa's-"

"SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH, You chicken!" Seifer shouted at him, blasting Deling's ear. He was partially hoping to stun Zell into shock. It really wasn't going to work, though. All those years of bullying and still Seifer thought he could hurt Zell into silence? Zell opened his mouth.

Quistis also noted Zell was trying to talk and to cut him off, she explained the situation to Squall. "He broke out of the disciplinary room, injuring many in the process."

Zell paled. "You STUPID IDIOT!!" he yelled.

Squall cut him off. "Be _quiet_," he told him. Zell glared at Seifer who was giving a demand for keeping his trap shut.

"Instructor, I know! You're gunna talk this stupid idiot back-"

Hyne help them. Seifer tightened his grip and Squall moved as if to tackle him, but it was too late. Nothing was faster than Zell's mouth, other than his fists.

"-to Garden, right!?" Zell was still glaring at Seifer angrily.

It wasn't until Squall yelled a "Shut up! NO!" far too late that he realized what he had done. Perhaps this is why Squall needed to come out of his head world more often.

Deling chuckled. "I see…so you're from Garden. Should anything happen to me, the enter Galbadian Military will undoubtedly crush Garden."

"If they aren't celebrating," Seifer hissed at him.

Deling looked at him. "You can let go of me now."

Crap. Zell had ruined everything. No escape, no return home. They were all going to _die_, right here, as soon as those guards were given the okay. "Nice going you stupid Chicken! You and your stupid big mouth!" Wanting to escape the situation as soon as possible, he ran to the other set. "Take care of this mess!! Instructor and Mr. _Leader!_" Dragging Deling along, he moved into the side room.

"I _said_ you could let go," Deling stated.

"You can't say much to your soldiers if you _die_," Seifer responded. "They cut the feed rather than have people watch you be taken hostage like this." He lifted the sword up-

there was that feeling again. Something eerie slipped over him, an odd sort of feeling and he didn't like it and yet he didn't feel like fighting it. "Wha-" he murmured, suddenly lightheaded, fighting for his control. Not as if he needed it, just… he …couldn't quite think…clearly.

"...Poor, poor boy…" came a voice, and Seifer turned to see the woman from before as she walked through a pillar. His anger at being called a boy was shoved aside for a moment as he realized she had just walked through a _pillar_. He could sense she was the source of the eerie and yet he was torn. He felt like screaming and running away and going to her and crying into her lap.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_ "Stay away from me!" he commanded, showing Deling as his victim.

**Run. Get out. Go back to Zell. Don't go. Don't go, don't go, don't go…**

Why did she look so familiar? There was nowhere else to go.

The woman gave a patronizing smile. "Such a confused little boy. Are you going to step forward? Retreat? You have to decide." She herself took a step forward.

"**Stay back**!" he yelled, though he wasn't sure why. He heard footsteps, and he realized he could no longer afford to be afraid.

The woman raised a hand and Quistis was flung back into a pillar. _A sorceress_.

The woman turned to him, meeting his strained green eyes with her gold ones. "The boy in you is telling you to come," she mused, looking at him in such a way that he wanted to disappear. "The adult in you is telling you to back off." Seifer looked away. "You can't make up your mind. You don't know the right answer." She gave an attempt at a comforting smile, but it was twisted, as if she'd never seen one herself and didn't know how to express it. "You want help, don't you? You want to be saved from this predicament."

"Shut up!" Seifer roared, the creepy feeling taking over him. She knew what was going on.

"Don't be ashamed to ask for help," she told him. "Besides, you're only a little boy."

"I'm not..." Seifer started, but suddenly the will to fight it left him. "Stop calling me a boy."

The woman chuckled. "You don't want to be a boy anymore?"

"I am not a BOY! Seifer yelled, fight returning.

"Then come with me to a place of no return," she uttered to him, as if forecasting his fate. "Bid farewell to your childhood." Again with the nasty look.

But Seifer let go of the president, who ran for safety in his wet pants, checking his neck. The gunbladist followed her at the pillar, and as he turned, he saw Zell's face. He wanted to tell him that he'd make up for it; he'd fix things, but somehow his mouth wouldn't move. Zell would feel badly, but Seifer would fix things, and then Zell would be in his debt and…

Why would he want Zell in his debt? His mind thought, and there was an answer.

**Because you love him!**

Did he? He was confused, but he waved goodbye anyway. As he entered the pillar, suddenly the eerie feeling took him over and he fell to the ground, eyes looking up at the woman whose golden eyes seemed to say only one thing, honesty and sincerely through and through before he passed out.

"Forgive me."


	4. Chapter 4

Long time, no see! Whee! I have no real explanation. Sorry.

Chapter four

Trees were blurring together as Zell watched from the safety of the inside of the train. He couldn't tell if it was his own tears or if it was the speed of the train. Despair ate at his insides. He'd just damned Garden, hundreds of students and staff, and the guilt weighed him down more than any weights he'd ever touched. "Oh man," he uttered, trying to rub it away from his head. Garden was going to be retaliated. How had he broken the most cardinal SeeD rule? Section One, paragraph three: A SeeD will never reveal his identity or his base.

He'd be personally responsible for the deaths of all those people. Friends flashed in his mind, friends and little kids he'd watch at Garden when the nursery lady wanted a smoking break. Trembling, he pulled at his hair. How was he supposed to _live_ with that? Why couldn't he have kept _quiet_? Seifer knew-

In a moment of clarity he realized that he had damned Seifer along with Garden. Shit. Zell bit his lip, thinking of the past few days. Seifer was acting weird, so oddly that part of Zell had thought Seifer had come to help _him_. Rinoa gave a giggle, breaking his thoughts and he looked at her, with her soft dark hair catching the sunset light and a grin on her porcelain doll face and he knew Seifer would have come for her. She was a princess, beautiful and everything in a romantic story said Seifer was to marry her.

What a fool Zell was. Seifer had brought feelings to the surface these past few weeks, feelings he'd been trying to keep hidden, he'd tried to ignore, but Seifer poked at them in that annoying way of his and sparked fire in them.

_How could he want me when he's got something like that?_

_How could I think he would want me? It was just some stupid little game to him. _

Biting his lip, Zell could remember all of the feelings he'd welled up inside. It was easier to admit them now that he had lost Seifer.

_What, no! He was just a jerk to me. I didn't love him. _

The thought opened up his guilt more than he had wanted to. He was guilty of being gay- _I'm not gay!_- and his Ma would disown him if she knew. He felt guilty because if he told her –_If I was gay, that is-_ there'd be no way to redeem himself, no way to make his Ma proud. He felt guilty that he hadn't been training Big Bad Rascal in Martial Arts that he'd promised. He felt guilty that he hadn't dusted his room every day. How could he face up to-

A wet tongue licked his face, wiping his first tears away before anybody noticed. Zell blinked, before petting Angelo on her head. "Thanks." Her tail wagged, thumping on the metal base of the train compartment.

"She likes you," Rinoa stated, giggling. "You must be a good person at heart." Angelo growled playfully, giving a ruff before licking Zell's face some more. Her little beady eyes met his.

/Let's play/ the eyes seemed to say. /I made you feel better, so play with me or feed me./

"I don't have any food," Zell admitted to her, and the dog gave a sign and walked back to Rinoa, flopping on her doggie-side, exposing her stomach. /Pet me./ Like a trained pet, Rinoa did so. "It's like you two can communicate as well as I can with her!" Rinoa told him, her eyes trying to smile.

Looking at it, Zell realized she was as lost and confused as he felt right now. Still, despite being yelled at, despite getting them into trouble, she was still trying to help them. She wasn't giving up on being comforting. Hell, she wasn't giving up, period.

The distraction had been wonderful. The train then slowed and Zell watched the doors slide open, the world behind them seeming unchanged. As he stepped off the train he told himself that all attachment to Seifer had been left on the train, trying to allow the memories to be unhinged from his emotions. It was slightly dark out, a reminder he hadn't really had a good night's sleep.

Was Seifer sleeping?

...

Seifer stayed where he was: quiet, obedient, and still for once. The woman had offered him a chance at everything- to be saved, to be a hero, and to be loved. He knew, while he wanted to yell, that the only thing worth waning at the moment was to live. So he stood by her chair, saying nothing.

The woman was named Edea, the Sorceress. She was familiar to him- he could almost swear he was promising to be a knight to her in his memory. The face resembled a woman from long ago who used to understand him not because he was a bad boy but because he was so tainted. She didn't judge him, the way the others did. Edea in front of him now, though, somehow did not have the same face; the face was the same, but the emotions were not. It was as if she were a cold puppet. Her gestures were harsh and quick and rigid. He could not place this woman, despite some voice in his head saying she was the woman in his memory.

He couldn't fight what she told him. It was as if each time he tried to reason it out, the reasons dimmed and his mouth could not speak them. Sometimes new thoughts appeared that were wiser and smarter.

This was what she meant by no longer being a boy.

Edea entered, not bothering with doors. Why not show off her power if she was going to be feared anyway? All of Deiling remembered the Sorceress Adel. Of course they would have fear. The sorceress gave a cold smile to Seifer, who bowed. After all, he owed her his life.

Before he could even ask the question she answered it for him. "I talked to Deiling. I told him that since he was too stupid to realize Galbadia's own Garden sends out SeeDs when he asks, he could not retaliate on any other Garden. Otherwise, they would turn on him, and they are far too… invaluable." She sat down. "Mere children."

Seifer had words on the tip of his tongue, and she nodded, giving him permission to speak. They understood each other. Perhaps it was the bond they shared. Perhaps it was the magic she had. "Do you pity them?"

She turned to him, her hand on his cheek. "Don't you?"

Suddenly the visions started in his head. A holocaust of children being killed, mainly because of magic they could use. SeeD was ordering it. Those who were not SeeD were being destroyed, those with magic in their blood were made less than human. As the vision faded and Seifer was left trying to get air into his lungs (not that he would ever admit that) she spoke again. "What do they know, those that are brainwashed? The children now are innocent, but SeeD turns them into monsters."

The worst part of the vision was that it was a memory, not a future foresight. Seifer bit his him as he realize she was right. Parts of it were blocked, probably because they were personal.

"They try to stop me from saving the children, because I wish to end their destruction."

Dreams shattered around Seifer. This was the real SeeD? This was what he had been aiming for his entire life? He didn't want to be a SeeD anymore. He wanted to help, to be a hero. Not some mass-murderer. Overtaken with emotion, he knelt before her. "Thank you for sparing me," he uttered.

The eyes flickered at the sincerity of his voice. "How could I not?" she asked him. "You were useful. You had a sense of justice, one that SeeD knew would turn against them. They didn't hate you, they just blackmailed you." Ice-cold hands petted his head. "You stayed to them, though, didn't you? Not because you liked them, but because you are…loyal."

Seifer's eyes looked up, and she nodded. "You were loyal and moral to a fault, and that is admirable in a knight."

That dream, the rusting dream emerged again, flashing hotly in his mind, burning all of his thoughts. He wanted to be Edea's knight. Even if this woman was not Edea, he wanted to be her knight. Something pounded at him from within, but it was silenced.

All he could think about was protecting this woman who wanted to protect others.

Edea stood, walking to a window, and Seifer followed her. "There are some that do not know that SeeD's main mission is to destroy the sorceress. Many, as I cannot find the true meaning of SeeD. They have a goal beyond this, I'm sure."

Cold eyes watched the inner workings of Seifer's mind struggle with what she was telling him. She watched as he tried to accept everything she said, because she had rescued him, because he owed it to her, and most importantly, because she was right.

Walking behind him, almost seductively she touched his shoulder. "If I find this meaning, I hope to keep that vision from happening. It is not a world any child should grow up in."

Seifer looked out at the window. It was an appropriately placed play-ground. "Would you like me to search for it on your behalf?"

"Not now," she cooed. "For now, I need protection. Deiling is every inch afraid of me as his enemies." She leaned in closer to his ear. "I won't lie to you, boy. I must keep secrets from you in the beginning. I do not know if you are really friend or foe."

For Seifer, there were no other options. To leave was suicide- he knew exactly what Deiling wanted done to him, as shown in the false report being made about him now. Garden hated him. Zell-

Cold gripped him. He couldn't go back to Zell. Everything was lost between them. Despite the fact that Hyne had made them fit so well, despite the fact that they were meant to be, he couldn't go back.

Suddenly he didn't feel much like living.

Edea pursed her lips. She felt the wave of grief, echoing her own and she quickly pulled up memories of the boy. There had been another. The memory dodged her, as if to hide but she found it.

_"Matron!" came the cry from the brown-haired child. "Seifer's got a new friend!"_

_Edea hurried down the steps, worried that Seifer was bulling some child from the town again. As she reached the ledge, she stopped. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. The bully-child, the misbehaved punk, the "jerk" as Selphie put it, was teaching another how to swim. He was being gentle. He was laughing and giggling like he should be._

_When Seifer came back in, he announced he was going to take a bath. But Matron caught the two of them giggling again, having fun._

_"Who is that?" she asked. "Surely he would like to sit next to you for dinner."_

_"Nobody," Seifer told her, suddenly defensive. "There's nobody in there."_

_"Seifer."_

_"You'll take him away," Seifer uttered quietly. "You'll take him away because he likes me."_

_She hugged him. "If he's an orphan, he'll stay. I promise. What's his name?"_

_"Zell."_

She grinned. "You're thinking of Zell," she remarked, realizing it was the same boy from earlier that he'd waved goodbye to. He was a SeeD. Seifer said nothing, eyes shutting, but the reaction in his brain was sudden calm. It was as if she had been handed a treasure. "You wish to make him love you," she stated, more from the memories than Seifer's brain or her own knowledge.

Her knight's head nodded.

"It is more in your reach, now, if you are to be my knight." She smiled as he turned to her, curiosity on his face. "Not only can you offer him your power, your knowledge and save him, but…" She touched his face. "Let me show you. When you go, only Zell will see you. Don't make him look crazy." Seifer suddenly slumped to the floor, his head making a satisfying thud. She stepped over his body to continue her search for Ellone. As she took one last look at her knight, she wondered if she should have told him that he was already her knight, from the moment he came with her.

It didn't really matter.

......

The tent was set. Zell had made the call, seeing how Quistis, Selphie and Squall were all in a comatose state. He was sure it was "dream-world", but it was getting late and too dark to navigate in the woods. Angelo was eating a yogurt, one of her favorite foods. Rinoa was poking at the fire, obvious depression on her face. She had been attacked by monster after monster, and she and Zell did have Angelo with them on the team, but Zell had been the one to really do damage to them. She felt useless; he felt guilt. How could they have not been drawn to each other's company?

"Is it safe here in the woods?" Rinoa's question came as owls screeched suddenly close by. She poked further into the fire.

"Angelo will help protect us," Zell reminded her reassuringly. "He's got ear-"

"She." Rinoa stated quickly. "Angelo is a she."

"Sorry," Zell said, feeling the anger vibes from the two of them. "She just seems to have the genius that reminds me of a famous painter, that's all." He sensed this pleased the two of them, and they relaxed. He continued his original statement. "She's got ears twice as good as we do, and she's smart. Whatever's in here, I'm sure we all could take on."

Rinoa nodded, murmuring a phrase. "I'm worthless."

"Of course not!" Zell stated, more because his mind was somewhere along the same lines. "We've all been trained fighters! You'll get better, too. Besides, I think Squall likes you."

The princess of Timber looked up at him and Zell continued on his rant. "Sometimes he's too hard on himself. Sometimes, he's really cold toward others. You're the first person who has made him come out of his shell. I hadn't even heard his feelings until he talked to you."

Angelo came up to him. /I'm out of yogurt, 'she demanded, putting the container in his lap. /More food/. Zell looked at his hot-dog, and then at the dog-dog.

"_My_ hot-dog." There was really no contest. "_Mine_. You don't wanna get fat, do you?"

/Food/, Angelo replied. /Food is good. Give me food./ Angelo jumped up-

"Down," came Rinoa's command, and Angelo retreated, staring at Rinoa as if she couldn't understand how important the meat was to her. Sighing, she sulkily retreated to the tent. /I'm being a good dog. Where's my food?/

"I think I'll go make sure she doesn't get into the supplies." Rinoa stood up. "Thanks, Zell."

"No problem. I'm gonna stay out here and make sure the fire doesn't spread."

Rinoa disappeared into the tent. Zell had set it up that he'd sleep next to Squall and Angelo was the dividing line between men and women, with Zell and Rinoa sleeping on the other side of Angelo. That way, the two of them would be able to be the first out of the tent.

Zell finished the hotdog and threw the wrapper into the fire. Why couldn't he have been that smart a earlier that day? All he had to do was keep his mouth shut. Just-

Warm arms wrapped around him. "Relax, Chicken. You're being too hard on yourself."

Zell jumped in surprise, though he didn't turn around. "Seifer?" he asked, and Seifer hushed him quickly.

"Let's not wake up the sleepers, hmm?" he let go of Zell. "Good to see you alive, Chicken."

The blonde turned to stare at the knight, his eyes filling with relief. "You're alive?" he asked. Seifer sat down beside him. "Oh, Hyne," Zell whispered, suddenly embracing Seifer. "Oh, Hyne, Seifer, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry. I fucked up." His rants continued for a few more minutes until Seifer embraced him back, holding him tightly, unsure of whether he was dreaming or if this was real.

"It'll be all right, Zell. I promise." He smiled as Zell tried to fight back tears, smiled as they came anyway, as Seifer knew they would. This was perfect. How come he'd never got Zell to do this before?

"Zell, shh," he whispered into the blonde's hair. This is what he had wanted, his mind told him. He'd wanted Zell to come crying back to him, to cry into his arms so Seifer could make it better.

Then the slightest tugs emerged from the back of Seifer's mind, reminding him it was time to go. _Just a bit longer_. "Zell," Seifer uttered, as he felt is body start to form wisps as it disappeared.

"What?" came the muffled question from his chest.

"I'm going to save you. Don't you worry. I'll save Raijin and Fuujin and you and everybody. So you didn't mess up, see? You helped me. You gave me an opportunity." He chuckled. "Don't beat yourself up over it."

"I let everyone down," Zell argued, and he pulled away, temper rising and Seifer moved into his face, kissing him as his words echoed away.

"You always do what I expect you to do."

Zell placed his hands over his mouth. The fire had died away, and the air had changed. It was as if he had just woken up. Had Seifer been there? The trees swayed their answer. Zell had been dreaming.

Maybe it had been prophetic. Maybe Seifer was reaching out to him. Zell smiled to himself, feeling a lot better. People said men shouldn't cry, people like his Pa, but he always felt better after a cry and after a little nap.

.........

Seifer's eyes opened, seeing the floor and shoes that were topped with black raven feathers.

"How was your dream?" Edea asked. "Meeting Zell?" She simply stood, arms at her sides and yet somehow distant.

Seifer picked himself off the floor, trying to find words. It had been perfect. It had been warm and everything he had ever wanted. Hyne must have loved Seifer, because it was as it should have been.

Zell looked beautiful in moonlight.

"Of course, real dreams are longer," Edea stated. "When there is much more free time I myself go on these dreams, looking for someone." She watched him as he nodded, his attention going back to her. "I need someone, boy. Someone who will find my answers, someone who will be loyal. Someone…to protect me." As he contemplated this she remembered that he had no choice anyway, but it was better to have a willing knight than a forced one. Let him ease into it, she decided. As if he had a choice.

"I will send you those dreams in return." She moved back to the chair, a wicked, slanted smile on her face that put his own smirks to shame. "It is the least I can do for my Knight."

He bowed. "My sorceress."

It wasn't like the movies, Seifer realized. He was aware of her magic inside him, already junctioning to him like a GF, but he had already felt that. It seemed to be nothing more than an exchange of words.

"Good. There are preparations to be made for my festival. Be my mouthpiece, and I will show you how we may work together."

As Seifer walked, he realized he knew just what to do and where to go and as he touched a door he realized he could simply pass through it. Maybe something had happened after all.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Luckily it hadn't been too awkward of a walk. Quistis had the magical female ability to know where she was going- Zell wondered if maybe her talking to people to ask directions had anything to do with it. Squall had wandered mostly to himself, Angelo next to him (Squall did smell like meat, it was true) and Selphie was up next to Quistis, asking her all sorts of questions about upcoming exams, because Quistis had been an instructor. That left Rinoa and Zell to walk about, talking tentatively to each other. It worked out pretty well; the two of them had no idea about what the hell to do from this point on, so they made good company. Any time a monster appeared, Angelo ran to Rinoa and thus Squall was there in an instant- Quistis and Selphie were too far ahead to be much help, and the two of them managed to do things to monsters that they encountered that Zell had never even heard of.

Those two were scary.

Eventually G-Garden loomed into view and he felt a sigh of relief and both nervousness. G-Garden still had the power to strip him of SeeDdom, didn't it? Nervousness wore out and he tensed up, swinging at his shadow while walking. Rinoa didn't really notice and she cast her gaze upon Squall, maybe because gazing at Zell was making her head hurt. Selphie had started running at the giant garden, and Zell realized suddenly there were birds flying around the Garden.

As he got closer, he realized that they weren't real birds. They were flying machines.

Holy shit, he thought, this Garden is cool.

...

Okay, it was not cool, being in the quietest garden _ever_, with annoying waiting rooms. It was quiet and he could hear his own heart beat in his teeth, that's how bad his anxiety was. Finally, Quistis came through the doors.

"How'd it go?" Squall asked, and Quistis turned to Zell. "They understood our situation," she reported. "And Balamb Garden is safe." His entire body collapsed with relief. Quistis continued. "The attack on the president in Timber was classified as an independent action. There was an official notice from the Galbadian government saying that Balamb Garden is not being held responsible."

Zell inhaled again. This wasn't going to go well. Quistis was still staring at him sadly. "So Seifer's taking all the blame?"

There were few times in Zell's life when he knew everything was going to be hell from that point on, and when Quistis looked at him with extremely sad eyes he had his answer.

"The trial's over, and the sentence has been carried out…"

Slowly, everyone fell back into their chairs. It was as if all the energy in the room from the announcement of Balamb Garden's safety was drained slowly. Zell's slumped relief turned into a cold sort of numbness. Seifer was…dead? The asshole, the bully, the guy who had crawled into his bed and who he dreamed had kissed him in the woods? Shit. Shit. Shit.

Nothing rational was coming to his head. He hadn't really known Seifer that well, his mind attempted to inform him- no memories of Seifer like of his Ma and Pa. Seifer only gave him tickets, called him Chicken Wuss, and haunted his dreams from time to time. Yeah, he told himself, he didn't really know Seifer, so all this pain in his chest was stupid and didn't make any sense.

Okay, so Seifer haunted his dreams a lot. He'd spent most of his time watching out for Seifer- it would be a lie to say Seifer had meant nothing to him. Just because he didn't ever talk to Seifer much didn't mean he'd not been watching from afar. Like he'd never watched Seifer in the training area and wanted his arms…. _And stuff. 'ya know, stuff that's totally not appropriate to think about a dead guy._

He'd killed Seifer, his mind was slowly forming. If he hadn't have opened his big mouth Seifer would have been alive. Damn it, damn it, damn it…

He was distracted from his thoughts by a question from Selphie, but he answered it without thinking and his thoughts kept rolling around in his head, unwilling to sort themselves. It wasn't until Squall gave a cry and ran out of the room that he realized his own body was itching to work out his feelings through physical activity. He got up to run after Squall, only to be caught by Galbadia's own DC and forced to do pushups.

Still, the push-ups helped him rack his body to exhaustion, to where maybe his dreams would sort this all out for him. "Erk it," he yelled once, hoping that the pain Seifer had left him about unaccomplished dreams would find its way out of him through stress and sweat.

...

Zell flopped into the bed, angrily cursing Irvine under his breath. Stupid cowboy, thinking just 'cause he had a gun he was awesome and could flirt with anyone. He was loud and annoying and annoying and loud and had Zell mentioned annoying? 'Cause it was completely true. "Shit," he murmured, trying to debate whether or not to do sit-ups or to sleep it off. The push-ups from earlier in his arms argued against more physical activity.

"You look stressed," came a voice beside him, and Zell turned in bed, almost falling out to see Seifer on the edge of the bed. Or at least, Seifer's ghost, he reminded himself.

"Hyne," he whispered. "Are you going to haunt me forever?"

"Until you're where you belong," Seifer whispered, and Zell swallowed. That look in Seifer's eye hadn't changed, even if Seifer had been executed. Damn, Seifer would carry that smirk into heaven and back if he could.

"I knew it. I'm going to hell." He placed his arm over his head. The blonde beside him chuckled and he lifted it. "What's so funny?" he asked, sitting up in the bed. The gunblade ghost leaned in and kissed him.

"You," he replied and chuckled as Zell sat in shock for a moment. Seifer had kissed him again. Was that Seifer's unfinished business here on this world? Was this what Seifer had longed for all of his life? Zell started to blush. _Am I his "Romantic Dream", an' he can't finish it 'cause he's…_

"You're dead," he uttered. "But don't you worry, Seifer, we're going to avenge you. At least I am, anyway." Seifer kissed his neck, pulling him downward into a laying position. Those kisses felt good, Zell realized, though his head was to the side, his fingertips dug into the fabric of ghost-Seifer's trench coat.

"How?" Seifer asked between kisses, and Zell suddenly reached up to hold his face. No words escaped his lips, however, but his face was simply staring at Seifer's own, as if this might be the last time he saw the taller man.

Seifer's face flickered for a moment before he caught Zell's lips with his own, and this time Zell responded to them.

"Chickie," the older blonde whispered as they pulled apart. "You're actually letting your feelings show. Because you're avenging me?" The martial artist nodded. "I see." More kisses, light, almost chaste against his tattoo. "How are you going to avenge me, then? Have sex with me now?"

"No," Zell replied, holding Seifer's head to his chest. "We're gunna kill the sorceress. We're going to hit her at her parade. She'll be all excited like, but we're working out the details now."

Seifer paused into his chest before kissing him again. _You aren't loyal to SeeD, are you, Zell? _He thought, his mind warping the situation. _You are always loyal to me._

Then Zell spoke. "I didn't even know you that well," he uttered to Seifer. "You were that guy who was always pickin' on me but always rivals with Squall. We didn't even hang out or anything, yeah? So why me?"

Seifer regarded his question seriously with his green eyes. "I saw you that night, and I knew we were meant to be," he replied. "Isn't it perfect? It's romantic, you know."

Zell bit his lip. It was as he had feared. "So it really was the whole Nida thing." He sighed. "There was no interest in me before the SeeD test. Just a few days later." He sat up, Seifer watching him with narrowed eyes. "Look, Seifer, I'm sorry that this happened, but you don't really love me-"

"Don't you tell me what it is I love," Seifer growled. He wouldn't accept this rationality. Zell was being silly. Of course he'd been watching Zell since garden, that's why he was so attached to him. He remembered Zell, he remembered the boy in younger uniform running through the halls, trying to get to class on time. Seifer winced suddenly. Zell didn't see giving him tickets as watching. That's what was wrong. But the downcast, disappointed look in Zell's eyes was hope enough that Zell wanted it. "Zell, you don't understand." He did admit to himself that the Chicken wasn't a consideration for a bit- but he had given Chicken Wuss his own nickname. Even Squall hadn't gotten a nickname from him until the SeeD Test.

"Seifer," Zell uttered, but Seifer kissed him again, gently this time. Zell pulled away again. "Seifer!" he scolded. "You don't-"

"Chicken," he suddenly whispered, "If I didn't love you, why would I haunt you?" Zell was stammering around for an answer and Seifer felt the tug of the dream ending. He leaned in. "Give me this. Just a kiss, Zell."

Zell's eyes stared at him quietly as if trying to come up with a response. His mouth wasn't working and so his body responded against his will, leaning up to Seifer's own form and Seifer placed a kiss to his neck before disappearing. Hands reached up to keep him there, but it was inevitable. Zell fell back into the bed, forgetting he had sat up and hit his head on the edge. "Damn!" he hissed.

Seifer's ghost had said that he loved him. Zell hadn't even thought it true. Certainly, from his side he hadn't really thought about Seifer romantically until that time under the moon, the night of the SeeD test. He had been on the rebound, he had told himself. Any guy could have been there and Zell would have acted like that.

Besides, had Seifer really shown him any affection since being at garden? No. He just called him a Chicken-Wuss as often as he could, gave him tickets for speeding but there was nothing there that he did to Zell that he didn't do to anyone. If anything, Zell would have thought it was Seifer and Squall- they were always fighting together, always trying to show each other up. Or maybe that was just Seifer, trying to prove himself. Zell slightly smiled at that- Seifer _was_ always trying to prove himself, wasn't he? Always attacking Squall, trying to be the authoritive figure, this is what made Seifer into the person who tormented Zell. So the last few days Seifer had been paying extra attention to him (and it wasn't as if Zell _didn't _like it, he admitted) but that could have been Seifer thinking on his sexuality for once and Nida telling the arrogant jerk that the Chicken was an easy lay.

It could have been anyone, Zell told himself, wrapping himself in the blankets. It was kinda funny, he thought. Even with Ifrit equipped, he still felt so cold.

Well, shit, his mind handed him, and his pounding head agreed. What do we make of this situation?

...

Irvine had the flowers in his hand, handing them to Selphie. "I picked them for the princess," he told her, and she squealed happily.

"Oh, Irvy, they're so pretty! Oh, oh, I'm going to have Matron put them in a vase! Thank you!" She ran off, and Irvine turned to Zell.

"See? That's how you get someone to like you." He had a giant grin on his face.

Little Zell was not near so amused. "That's murder," he said flatly. "You're taking away their ability to have children. You're killing them." His face was full of anger and a pout was on his lips.

Seifer rolled his eyes. "See, Irvine, the crybaby doesn't get it. He's got no one to like." Irvine laughed at this and Zell sat on the ground, trying to hold back the tears but it did him no good.

"You don't get it. Flowers are pretty here. We pick them all the time." Seifer turned to leave, but Zell's words held him back.

"Like you picked me?"

Guilt ate at the seven year old, a guilt that usually only adults feel but Seifer felt it all the same. It was true that he'd pulled the boy from the mirror in order to be friends with him, but that entire plan had backfired once the mirror was shattered. Zell couldn't go back now. So why didn't he just be friends with Seifer? It made sense.

"Shut up, stupid crybaby," Seifer told him, kicking his leg before running off to Matron. She'd later see the giant bruise but Zell would never tell her who caused it, though she could guess.

...

Seifer's eyes opened, and his sorceress was above him, waiting.

"I've discovered SeeD's next plan," he told her, sitting up to bow before her. The sorceress smiled. Dreaming was worth it, after all.

"Good," she replied. "Then we shall trap them, instead of the other way around. Finally, things will change. Finally, there will be more than one choice." Her cruel lips formed into a smile as her golden eyes glittered.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

_How can they do this?_ Irvine wondered, staring at the woman dressed in black, standing on the balcony. Her face brought back memories of the orphanage. She'd been the only real mother figure in his life; his foster family hadn't worked out. Horror gripped him as he pointed the sniper gun. _What kind of child kills its own mother?_ he wondered.

Her smiling face in the orphanage was haunting his mind. He could see Selphie smiling as he handed her flowers and the woman he was supposed to shoot smiling at him and telling him he was a little gentleman. If he did what he was told to do now, he rationalized, he was going to go straight to hell.

Squall didn't seem to be too understanding of the situation- Squall! He'd been the little boy who'd cry when his sis was gone, and Matron would pick him up and hold him. What did Balamb Garden _do_ to their students? Maybe the group had all forgotten, or maybe they had been preparing longer than he had to kill anybody. Even Zell had seemed pumped up to kill the woman he'd clung to the skirts of.

"I….I can't," he whispered, watching his matron trying to figure out why she was trapped in a monument. It was like a nature special, where the caged animal was going to be slaughtered.

They were going to slaughter Matron.

"Just a signal," came the voice, and Irvine looked up to see Squall. Irvine hadn't recognized the voice. It was tinted with sympathy or kidness or strained patience, like he was talking with emotions he didn't really understand. Irvine nodded, trying to think of his mission. If he failed, they'd kick him out.

He didn't want to be kicked out again. He started aiming the gun, the posture familiar and his body taking over. "A signal," he repeated, aiming for Matron's chest. It wasn't moving as much as her head was. He set the trigger.

"That's right," Squall told him, and Irvine could recognize the emotion now. Encouragement. Hyne be damned, Squall was _encouraging_ him. The same damn little kid who'd cry for big sis every single day as Matron would make cookies and talk about how he could get closer to Selphie and would tuck him in at night…

_I'm a monster_.

The gun kicked back as he fired, and he watched helplessly as the bullet raced to kill the only woman he considered his mother.

_Bang._

The shockwave of the protect could be felt from high up on the entryway. The people were already tense, but this sent them panicking, and the soldiers, guards for the parade, were already arresting those in the street. He fell back, filled with relief and felt like his old self.

Squall cursed and ran to the edge of the platform, and before either Rinoa or Irvine could protest, leaped from it. Rinoa gave a cry and moved to jump as well, but Irvine caught her arm. "Let's go down _steps,_" he told her. "I'm not as crazy as he is."

…

"Move!" Quistis yelled, already halfway down the ladder. Zell was transfixed at the door, peering safely through the window.

Seifer was alive. Alive. Zell'd just imagined Seifer's ghost. This was both relief and unbelief. Seifer was fighting _for _the sorceress. Hadn't Seifer tried to be a SeeD? Wasn't he going to help them? Zell didn't understand, and the idea of not being able to understand was starting to make him angry.

There were people beating on the door now. Zell leaned over the ladder, staring down at a Quistis who knew what he was going to do. Her face was full of determination and sadness, he assumed, because she knew what he was going to say.

"I'll keep them busy," he stated. The words were a death sentence, and Quistis nodded as he shut the trap door. The emergency lights turned on, and the door was starting to shatter. Zell readied an areo.

The door gave way, falling forward as the hinges shattered. The areo sent some men flying back, and the soldiers took a moment, paused, as the had no idea what had happened. Zell used the pause to summon another areo, as he knew he wasn't going to have time to cast spells too much later. The second wave was at the doorframe.

The spell knocked them back, too, but other soldiers attempted to rush in. They didn't fire, as the bullets might hit their own, but they did have blades on their weapons and were slashing at Zell furiously. Zell managed to dodge most attacks, punching a few men and throwing them into the crowd, but one soldier managed to slice his chest.

Strong muscles prevented the blade from going too deeply, though it was deep and it _hurt_. Zell had to take a quick breath to control the pain that was shooting up through him and focus on what was going on. Strong muscles in his legs lifted his right leg up and connecting his foot with a chin, eyes never seeing the man's head snap back far more than it ever should have been able to naturally.

Strong. Zell was pure strength, and the soldiers were beginning to realize that they were going to have to change tactics. This is what Zell had been training for, the back of his mind contemplated, training since age 13 to fight and protect and defend himself. In the battle, his fists flew faster than any Galbadian had seen, his torso twisted in unreal flexible ways that also sent his own blood flying, his body going through motions and his mind not coming back to thoughts until the door frame was filled with casualties.

"You really did become dangerous, didn't you?" a voice stated, full of shock. Zell turned around, seeing Irvine and a shocked Rinoa. "Came in during the confusion." His eyes shut for a moment. "To think, it all came to this. Everything changes, don't it?"

"It's what we're trained for," Zell told him, breathing heavily. "You get the princess to safety." He opened the hatch. "Quistis and Selphie are already down there, so you two may just catch up to them."

Irvine helped a stunned Rinoa down the stairs, then looked at Zell. "I got no more cures or anythin'," he told Zell apologetically. Zell wondered how bad his chest must have looked. The pain had kind of died into a numbness.

"Wouldn't have wanted it from a spoiled cowboy anyway," Zell told him, grinning. "Sorry we didn't get off on the right foot."

Irvine didn't say anything, but his face was so much different from Quistis's. Zell shut the door and locked it, and Irvine never got to mention the truck that they were planning to ram into the side of the building.

Zell took some deep breaths, trying to find a mirror or some magical draw point that would have cures, because he hadn't really carried them. If he survived this, he would be carrying cures in the hundreds. Idiocy had a way of biting him in the ass.

Blood dripped on the concrete floor. Soldiers were still shouting outside, trying to move the men, not wanting to shoot into them, not wanting to damage them in case they were alive. Zell's chest was on fire now. Damn it. Damn it.

His mind was telling him to get down the ladder. That really, there was no other way to escape. But if he went, wouldn't they search the sewers? Besides, he wasn't even sure if the waterway was sanitary (the smell hinted at no) and he was doubting if he could make it down the ladder. He could barely get up when a body moved.

Green eyes glared at him.

"Chicken-wuss," came the statement. "Hiding behind others again?"

It made his blood flare up. He could feel anger in his ears, even. How dare Seifer switch sides! How dare Seifer worry him! How dare Seifer call him-

A fira shot at him and Zell attempted to dodge. His left arm wasn't as lucky as the rest of him. It burned and sizzled, forcing him to bend over. Another body moved, and a bullet fired, whizzing by his ear and ricocheting into his back.

_I'm gunna haveta charge_, Zell thought. He couldn't stay and be an easy target. Now the bodies were a hindrance for him, too.

"Chicken," came the voice, cooing at him. "Come here, wuss. You can't get out of this. You can't even go into the sewers like you are.

They knew.

Zell snapped.

The martial artist raced forward, still hurting and that cost him time. The bodies were whisked away with efficacy as excepted by the Galbadian army, but it didn't even register in Zell's head. The only thing that Zell wanted in the moment was to punch Seifer's smug mother-fucking face.

Seifer kicked him first, taking advantage of their height difference and steel-toed boots. Zell could feel ribs cracking as he was flown into the corner of the doorframe. Ribs on both sides. Still, he stood up, ignoring his body screaming in protest at the action.

"You really are a hard-core fighter," Seifer stated, smirking at him. "Should have known you'd like pain so much."

"Fuck you," Zell spat out, aware that he wasn't in any condition to run. He'd have to taunt Seifer to come to him in order to punch him.

It was rather hopeless, but his mouth moved anyway. "You giant fuckhead!" he yelled. "Traitor!"

"Now now, Chicken," Seifer taunted back. "I'd say you were complimenting me."

Zell's legs moved on their own. So did Seifer's gunblade. Zell was aware of something hitting his shoulder and fell forward into the ground. A spell surrounded him, and he agreed to go to the blackness that was surrounding his mind.

…

The lighthouse was on fire. Matron had stepped out of the house and stared at it, unable to think of any way to put it out. Seifer had been standing, watching and the other children had rushed outside when they heard the glass shatter. They'd have to leave, soon.

Strangely, the fire didn't seem to be spreading through the light house. It stayed on the top floor, with heat so intense she could feel it. "We have to move," she told the children, and they all went inside, rushing hurriedly.

"It'll be okay, Matron," Seifer told her, just smiling. "It won't do anything else."

Matron stared in horror, piecing together what he could have meant. Suddenly screams erupted from the house and she picked up Seifer and rushed back in.

Zell was on the floor, sprawled out and sweating. "He's dying," Selphie told her, Irvine hiding behind her. "He just started shaking when we came back in and screamed."

"Ellone, get some ice. Selphie, Irvine, I need you two to watch the fire- make sure it doesn't come our way. Seifer, Squall, go get the biggest tub you can and bring it here. Quistis, I need you to put our emergency box in the car, understand?"

The children all nodded, spreading out to do their jobs. Only Seifer remained.

"It hurts," Zell told him, but desperately as she scanned, Matron could find nothing.

"Is he going to die?" Seifer asked her, softly. "Did I kill him?"

Matron turned to him. "What did you do?" she asked him, sternly. He just looked guilty. Squall came with the tub all by himself and Ellone came with the ice. Zell felt so hot Matron worried his insides were cooking. There was no way he could naturally get so hot. She gently placed him in the bucket, casted water, and Ellone helped with ice.

"Matron, Matron!" Selphie yelled, rushing in. "The fire's stopped!"

Matron rushed outside, scanning the lighthouse this time. Indeed, the fire was gone- all without a trace.

She came back in, touching the boy, though he was still so hot. Seifer was trying to cool him down with rags but the boy winced at his touch. "I'm sorry," he was crying at the boy. "I'm sorry!"

"Seifer," she suddenly asked, holding his hand, "What did you do?"

…

Zell could still remember the beeping. His eyes fluttered open to beeping again, and he felt someone's hand on his face. He couldn't really see, but he knew he was in a bad way.

"I'll save you," the voice whispered in his ear, and Zell could feel himself falling asleep again.

…

Zell's eyes fluttered open a time later, he knew, and all he could think was that at he needed to try Goop-off! Now in Lemon! the next time his blood sprayed against a wall. His trip to the dream world had proven that it was highly effective.

He was met with a flickering light, darkened shapes of people and an awful smell. His chest ached, but it ached like it had been cured, and all of the information hitting is brain was too much to sort out. _Where am I?_ he wondered.

He felt dirty. He looked at his clothes and they were still stained with blood, but when he felt his ribs they were happy and well, which was a very good sign.

"Welcome back, Zell," Quistis's voice told him, and Zell sat up, staring at the three forms and realized they were Selphie, Rinoa and Quistis. "The dream world again?"

Zell rubbed his eyes, trying to make out more details. "Uh-huh," he said, his mind starting to catch up with the rest of him.

Selphie grinned. "How's Laguna doin'?" she asked, placing a triple triad card down and Rinoa wincing as it happened.

"Dunno…" Zell said, his mind trying to remember everything that happened. "It's not like I know everything about Ward, but…"

_"I'll save you"_

The thought ripped through Zell, and he couldn't remember when he had heard it or if he had been Ward at the time. Was it one of Ward's thoughts? He tried to think of Ward's thoughts for a moment before continuing. "Well, you know Laguna and co went into that Centra place and got into a real fix, right? After that, Ward's been all alone. He's working in some sort of prison-like place. And he's bored outta his mind! All he wants is to be fightin' alongside Laguna."

Zell could well understand Ward's sentiments. The feelings Ward had still burned at him, too.

Quistis took a breath. "So, what's this we're experiencing?"

Zell shrugged. "How the hell should I know?"

The room was quiet once again. Zell stretched, thinking about the words again and finally tossing them aside. He stretched, the side of his neck hurt but he really couldn't see it. Zell frowned; he didn't remember it although if he was cured-

Shit What had happened to him? What could have happened to him? He frowned as he checked his wounds, Quistis eyeing him suspiciously. Back- healed, ribs-happy, chest- he looked- no scar. That implied magic.

"Quistis," Zell asked softly. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know how injured you were, Zell," Quistis began, "We thought you were dead until soldiers brought you here."

"We got caught in the sewers," Selphie stated. "Irvine had caught up to us, tried to lead the soldiers away. But we still got caught. Haven't seen him since."

Zell still frowned. "Why'd they keep us alive?" he wondered, standing up. His neck still hurt, and he rubbed at it. Quistis frowned again.

"Questioning, I'm sure." Quistis motioned for him to sit down, but as he moved over, Rinoa spoke.

"Um, didn't you say that Ward was working in some sort of prison?"

Zell blinked. "Yeah, so." What on earth did Quistis want?

"And wasn't he from Galbadia?"

Zell sat down next to her. "Sure, he's a soldier there."

Rinoa nodded. "Correct me if I'm wrong," she continued, "But aren't you supposed to be Ward in that 'dream world'?"

Zell shrugged. "Not always, but just now I was."

Rinoa nodded again, then held out her hand. "Does this room look familiar?" She paused, waiting for a reaction. Hope was etched on her face.

It was not etched on Zell's own face. _Of all the stupid quest…_ The lights did, in fact, look familiar. The door was similar. _Wait a sec…_ "I know this place!" he stated excitedly, able to do something useful. "Everyone listen up! This is the prison that Ward works at! He's a janitor here! There's so many rooms just like this! It's got to be here!"

Rinoa nodded sadly. "There's a prison for political activists in Galbadia…. This must be the place where Ward works. Right here, where we are! I'm sure of it!"

Quistis nodded her head as well. "It's no surprise we're in jail. We did attack the sorceress…"

"Went up against the president. We'll all be sentenced to death…" Rinoa added, though it was clear that she had struck a nerve with Quistis.

"That president is no longer in charge," Quistis stated, with the tone of voice Zell had heard when she was angry at her class. More particularly, Seifer. He winced as he noted Rinoa looking a bit hurt.

Selphie noticed, too. "Things don't look so good…" she added, trying to leave the ending vague so no one could argue. Problem was, Zell's mind started running off in all sorts of directions.

_What's gunna happen to us? Where's Squall…? Did the sorceress…_ Zell swallowed, trying to contain his emotions. _And where the hell is Seifer!_

Quistis was lost in her own little world, trying to think things through. Zell's check on his wounds had left her curious of why there would be a hicky on his neck- Zell didn't seem to remember it, but Zell couldn't see it, either. It looked like a hicky, anyway- Quistis had seen enough of them- but it had to have been done after Zell had been cured. Already, Zell was getting excited- good, when you needed strength, bad when you needed him to stay in line.

And already there was Rinoa. So different from Quistis. Quistis was a prodigy, she was able to lead teams of SeeDs. Quistis loved control, authority, though not so much stress and papers. Rinoa had her heart in the right place, but she had no thought to her plans. "Kidnap the president!" There was a plan that was doomed to fail from the beginning.

There was something about Rinoa, though, that Quistis did feel sorry for. Rinoa knew nothing, really. She was like a princess who had fairy friends and unicorn races. No grasp of the real world. Rinoa didn't fit in to the group, and they all knew it. It was sort of an underlying pity for the girl, so long as you could talk to her. "Rinoa," Quistis stated. "I doubt you have much to worry about."

"I'm worried about Angelo," Rinoa replied, taking the conversation far away from where Quistis hoped to go, involving her father's prestige in the army and her past relationship with Seifer. It was things like that which made Quistis want to bang her head against the wall.

"I didn't see him at all," Selphie stated. "Not in the sewers, not above ground. Is he okay?"

"I left _her_ at the mansion," Rinoa stated, trying to gently correct Selphie, though it didn't work. "But she must be so worried. I've had her a few years, and she's never left my side for more than a couple of hours."

Zell thought on this before speaking. "How do you shop at the market?" he asked. "Since dogs aren't allowed?"

Rinoa laughed. "Don't your servants do that for you?" she asked.

Selphie was making incredulous faces behind her back. Quistis shook her head as the comment had only proven her thoughts. Zell blinked before patting her hand.

"Rinoa, we're all common folk here. Some of us don't even got parents."

"Oh," she replied. "Sorry."

Zell was about to say something else, when a great creak sounded throughout the halls. Lights flickered and machinery grinded and complained somewhere inside the building.

"What, what!" Selphie asked, looking around. "What was that loud noise?"

The doors slammed open, and a bunch of wardens walked in. At least, Quistis assumed they were wardens, because the uniform really looked like them from her studies. From her teaching experiences, she had a good feeling the biggest one was high. Something about how his head kept tweaking to one side.

"It's the sound of your friend being tortured," the guy stated, trying to draw out the sounds and make himself sinister. It rather backfired, or so Quistis thought, until Zell jumped up and stamped his foot. The other wardens were terrified as they felt the vibrations, but the one who appeared high just growled.

"What!" Zell demanded. "Whaddaya mean!"

It was at this point Quistis thought she needed to teach her students how to be well-behaved prisoners, because the inevitable happened. The warden reached over and hit Zell in the stomach with his nightstick, and Zell dropped to the ground. "Shut up!" he yelled. "Don't screw around with me! You understand who's in charge here! I'm asking you a question!" the other wardens had gathered around Zell and started kicking him. "I'll beat your sweet little ass and-"

"Stop!" Rinoa yelled, her face shocked and horrified at the sight. Her hands were covering her mouth, her eyes were big and wide- yet Selphie was just wincing. Another difference, Quistis noted.

The asshole warden paused, looking snide at her. "Oh, I almost forgot." He reached down and pulled Zell's head upwards by his hair. "Hey, man, is there a Rinoa with you?"

"I'm Rinoa," the princess stated, standing up. Her legs were trembling, her arms shaking quite badly, but still she managed to stay on her feet.

"Oh, all right," he stated, tossing Zell's head onto the floor. "Come over here." He motioned with his finger for her to walk closer to the door. The other wardens moved there as well.

"Whaddaya doin' to Rinoa, you bastard!" Zell yelled, face still frozen at the floor. The man kicked Zell in the stomach, licking his lips as he started to flip Zell over.

"Stop it already!" Quistis boomed, taking everyone off guard. The warden paused, his eyebrow twitching, but Rinoa spoke as well. "Stop," she said simply. "I'll go."

It was strange how the entire atmosphere changed. Her words had cooled down the anger and tension in the room, calming people to the point of rational thought. "I'll be fine," she stated to Quistis. "Let's go."

Quistis watched the wardens leave, none of them so much as touching her. The doors shut and Selphie turned to Quistis.

"Did you see that?" she asked. "I didn't know she had that in her." Selphie turned to Zell, as if to say the same thing, but stopped. "Oh, yeah. How are ya doin'?" she asked him, starting to draw a regen.

"They just fixed my ribs…" Zell whined, aware that his chest was on fire again.

…

….

…

A/N: So… to give you an idea of chapters left, there are about eleven. I looked back and saw that this thing has been going on for three years. When I was first in Japan. Three years is rather a long time for a fic, isn't it? Not even to mention my other work that's also unfinished…. I'll try to keep working on them, I promise! I'm not going to promise an update or anything, but I am going to promise to try and make them more frequent. Which is kind of sad… Just like Zell being kicked in the head by "mean guy". What the hell kind of name is that, anyway? He just sounded like an angry drunk to me…


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

"Draw….cure!" Selphie stated, trying to summon forth magic.

Zell winced as the pressure from the hand didn't help his bruised muscles. "Ow ow ow," he muttered, trying to sit up. Selphie was adamant that he be treated, though Zell thought it was only bruising material. It only hurt when she tried to heal him.

"It's no use," Quistis told her. "There seems to be an anti-magic field here." She sighed, stretching.

Zell didn't dare mention that he had no cures to begin with. Might have had something to do with the results. "It'll be fine, Selphie. Thanks."

Selphie nodded, sighing. "There's nothing to do," she whined. "You don't know how to play triple-triad, do you?"

"Nah, I could never sit still to learn it," Zell told her. "Too busy movin' an stuff." He sat up, looking over at the instructor. "What's up?" he asked Quistis, who looked at him.

"Just using the time to sort my thoughts." She told him, looking at him. "I have a few of them indeed."

Zell didn't like the way she was glaring at him. It was her instructor look, like she was onto one of his schemes, like when he tried to fake sick to leave class early to get to the cafeteria faster, or when he had tried to jam up the paper at garden. "Quistis…" he asked, almost apologetically. "You sure you're okay?"

Quistis turned away from him. "I'm fine," she told him. "I promise."

The doors opened again, and everyone tensed this time. However, rather than an ass of a guard, a red furry creature opened the door, with packaged food on a tray.

_Moomba_, Zell's mind informed him. He'd read about it only briefly, he thought. _Gem-like eyes revealing innocence!_

Well, the thing did have really green eyes. He slid back a bit. The thing might be powerful. Zell wasn't really one to judge things by their size. Besides, if it was another guard…

The moomba tripped and the tray components went flying. Zell caught part of one. Packaged bread.

Sweet.

"What was that noise!?"

Ugh, Zell thought, it was the guard again. This time, the guard was less focused on them and more on the red fuzzy lion on the floor. "You again!?" he bellowed, filling the room with the stench of alcohol. Just like last time, the warden went for the thing on the floor and kicked it.

_Damn him…. That numskull!_ Zell thought, standing up. "Who do you think you are!?" he raged, and the warden wasn't even aware enough to be taken aback. To be fair, last time Zell had stood up for people the same warden had handed Zell his own ass.

"Yeah, you big MEANIE! Stop that!" Selphie yelled from the floor, collecting Quistis's triple triad card from their came. Zell almost paused at that. Damn, that girl was quick. He had no idea when they had started the game.

Wait, angry guy rushing at him.

Zell caught the baton in his hand, pulled it from his hand and snapped the baton cleanly in two over his knee. The man was impressed. The girls were impressed.

Zell's knee was less so, but oh well.

"Y-you'll regret those words!" the warden shouted as he ran out, happy that the locks were automatic and not the ones that needed keys and pass-codes. Zell threw the pieces of metal into a corner as he sat down. At least scaring the man had made his self-esteem rise a bit.

The moomba looked up at him, its eyes narrowing. **What are you?** It seemed to be saying to him, evaluating him. Great. He'd rescued a creepy little thing.

Selphie cut in, however. "He's so mean," she whined, scooting over to the moomba. "You ok? Doesn't work so well, but… Cure!"

At least she was using her own spells this time, Zell noted. Quistis walked over to him as Selphie focused on healing the moomba. She sat down next to him, Zell's head following her as she reached his level. "What's up?" he began to ask her. Maybe she had a plan to get out or something.

"Zell, I've been meaning to ask you," she began, "How did you get that hickey on your neck?" she asked. Zell blinked for a few moments, touching the bruise.

"I have a hickey?" he asked weakly. Horror pooled inside him. If they had given him a hickey, Hyne knows what else they might have done. His body started trembling as his hands started scratching at it.

"My guess is that they cured you, and then gave you that. They wouldn't have had time to cure you again."

"They had time for a hickey," Zell stated a bit louder than she had hoped. Obviously, Zell was starting to panic again. "What else did they have time to do?"

Quistis's eyes glazed over as guilt ate at her. Zell had no idea what had happened; she'd seen this face before. "Zell. Does anything hurt? Anything feel funny?"

Zell shifted. "Just my chest, and my neck," he continued. Quistis noted blood, and she pulled his hand away.

"Then nothing happened. Trust me. If something horrid had occurred, you would know," she patted his shoulder comfortingly. "It's not something that cures will take care of." Her face darkened.

"Quistis…" Zell stated quietly, his mind, for once, grasping the situation. He looked at her and she just shrugged, smiling sadly at him. Suddenly he was less worried about himself.

"The Forces are amazing," she told him bitterly, turning to look at Selphie.

There would have been awkward silence for a few more moments but instead there was awkward noise. The moomba jumped up at Zell's bare neck. **Hello!** It seemed to say. Zell closed his eyes; he didn't feel threatened. When he would look back at this situation, he would always think that he really should have felt threatened.

The moomba licked the wound his hands had made and quickly pulled back. The wound tingled but when Zell reached up to touch it (and hope it wasn't infected) the wound had shut. Strangely enough, the moomba was watching him curiously, not as if it meant harm, but it still made Zell uncomfortable. "Old," the moomba managed to spit out before bowing.

"I'm actually kind of young," Zell retorted, unable to come up with more of a response.

**What am I, an idiot? **The sighed, still looking at the floor.

"No."

The moomba looked up at him again, their eyes meeting. Zell looked away, trying to find anything nicer than a creepy moomba face.

"Zell…" Selphie asked. "Why did you say 'no'?" Zell looked up at her, and then at Quistis. Neither had a face of compassion and understanding, although Quistis's did change into genuine worry.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up," Quistis stated. "I didn't realize you'd have a mental attack." It was supposed to be comforting yet somehow the statement came across as insulting.

"Nah, it's okay," Zell told them, sighing. _What now?_ The entire situation was hopeless. They were locked in a cage and there really wasn't any way out. He sighed loudly.

"We can't just sit here," Quistis stated, feeling the same Zell did. "We have to think of a way to escape." There were things that happened to people in prisons. Interrogations. Beatings. Things much worse than the hickey.

"Anyone got a plan?" Zell asked, looking around. His eyes kind of fell on the broken baton before he decided it was indeed not the case.

"Well, we could skin this little guy and wear him as a disguise…" Selphie offered, cracking her knuckles.

**Fuck that**, the moomba cried, getting up and running behind Zell. Selphie held up her hands. "I'm kidding! I'm kidding!"

Zell winced. _Doesn't sound like you are…_he thought. Selphie had scary sides to her indeed.

Another sigh and Zell looked over at Quistis. "Well, we can't rely on magic here, so we have to go with weapons. We have to somehow get them back…" she lamented. Apparently, she was missing her whip. Zell tried not to let the kinky stories from the Trepies fill his brain at that moment. Luckily, Zell's brain had registered yet another word: Weapons.

_Weapons… My weapons are this fists o'mine! I could do some serious damage without weapons! It's up to me, baby!_ "Let me go! I'll get the weapons back!" He stood up, excited. The moomba backed away from him, too.

"Oh yeah!" Selphie agreed. "You worked here as Ward, so you know the place!"

"Just live it to me!" Zell lied through his teeth. All Ward did was mop floors and clean blood, so it wasn't quite the same feeling. He paused thinking of a plan.

**Try a snake. Worked once,** the moomba seemed to say again. Zell wasn't sure how he was getting precise words from hand movements and growls, but he nodded. "You two lie down there," he told them as he walked to the door.

Quistis did so, the entire time thinking: _Don't try to break the door, please don't try to break the door, sweet Hyne, please do not let him even think of breaking the door…_

Selphie did so, the entire time thinking: _Please try to break down the door, break it clean off it's hinges, sweet Hyne, please let him break down that door!_

Much to Selphie's disappointment, Zell called out to a guard. "Guard! Guard! We need some help! Open the door!"

The asshole guard stepped up to the door, glaring at him. "What's the problem?" He asked, trying to make sure Zell knew he didn't care and wasn't about to help. At least he had seemed to sober up a bit.

"The women are unconscious! I think a snake bit 'em!" Zell was failing his arms about wildly, and the moomba joined in.

"What." The warden shook his head before motioning to Zell to stand back. Zell did so, looking behind him for an imaginary snake. As soon as the door opened, Zell's hands dropped, as soon as the warden's soft underbelly was exposed, Zell struck. Like a ninja. Or a tiger.

Maybe a ninja tiger.

Quickly, Zell threw those useless thoughts from his head.

All the warden needed was a nice punch in the gut to give him a well-needed nap. The man didn't even utter a sound, just a soft "oft," before he fell face first into the mess of the earlier spilled tray. Selphie kicked the guard in the leg for good measure.

"Well, I'm off!" Zell stated, opening the door wider. The moomba caught his eye, waving his had around. **Let me go**.

"Huh? You wanna go, too?" Zell asked, hoping that he was really just imagining words and that creatures could not actually talk to him.

The moomba nodded.

"Aah, I guess… Just don't get in the way!" As soon as he stated that, the moomba ran out the door and headed for the stairs leading up. Zell blinked, but then followed it. To be fair, the moomba probably knew more about the prison right now than he did. As he bounded up the steps, not knowing how much he would hate them, a little ding from his communicator beeped.

He looked at it, the tiny little watch like device that no one ever realized was a communication device.

Apparently, he'd just gotten his SeeD pay.

A part of him paused. How the hell could SeeD reach him here to tell him that, and if they could, why didn't they come save him? As if to apologize, it beeped again.

He'd just got paid twice.

Hyne, sometimes Garden made no sense, he thought, rubbing the back of his head. The moomba growled for him to hurry up from above. Sighing, Zell followed.

Zell could vaguely remember someone telling him a poem about moombas. _Their noses stronger than all the dogs combined…_

He shoved the memory aside, knowing he'd regret it later, but the moomba had indeed used that nose to find something important: two soldiers, looking at SeeD weapons.

"Look at this… SeeD weapons," one stated, as if taking the words from Zell's brain and plucking them into life.

The second one swung around a gunblade. "Is this what they call a gunblade?" the second one asked.

The first promptly hit him over the head. "Our soldiers use that, too," he told him. "Really, do you not pay attention? Look at these. A whip, a nunchaku…" the man gave a squeal that made Zell wince.

The moomba started nudging him forward, so Zell tried to calmly walk up to the men. Tried was the operative word. His heart was pounding, his fists were shaking, and his adrenaline was pumping. There was no way he was any sort of calm, not right now.

"Y-You, an escapee?" One asked, sounding really frightened.

Zell tapped his chest. "Yo, I'm here to reclaim these!"

One soldier went for him straightaway. With a quick sidestep and a chop to the neck, the first guy was out. The second started firing bullets. "This was my first day!" the blue guy cried out. Zell managed to duck and roll underneath the long barrel, taking it out of the guys hand and punching his gut much like he had with the mean warden. The soldier collapsed.

"You okay?" he asked the moomba, who fluffed its fur and roared. "Piece of cake, baby," he stated, taking the weapons- and gun- for good measure.

He didn't like guns, personally. Even if Grandpa had used them, _anyone_ really could use them. It took a special sort of strength to specialize in a particular weapon, like nunchuku or whips or gunblades. 'Course, that guy Irvine, would probably argue that point. He ran down the stairs, flinging open the door. "Yo, sorry to keep ya waitin'!" He called out, and Selphie clapped her hands.

"Zell, the weapons?" Quistis asked, one eyebrow raised. That was a bit fast.

"Voila!" Zell stated, presenting them.

"Whoo-hoo! Alright!" Selphie cheered. They all did some individual celebratory dance, before the fun was cut short.

The mean guy again. Zell groaned. He didn't really like the idea of killing people, but he might make an exception.

"Is this the cell with the uncooperative prisoners?" a voice asked.

"Yes, this is it. Please give 'em something to really complain about."

Selphie snapped her nunchaku angrily. Another voice spoke. "Should we be picking on prisoners so soon after getting transferred here, sir?"

"Just be quiet, and let me handle this!" the first voice stated again.

"Doesn't that sound familiar?" Selphie asked Zell. "I swear I've heard those two before..." Zell nodded in agreement.

"T-these are the prisoners, Lieutenant Biggs, Private Wedge."

_Biggs? Wedge?_ Zell stood back as the two entered.

The emotions were unanimous, save for Quistis. The room exploded into "AAAHHH!!!" as they pointed at each other. It was safe to say that both parties had hoped and expected never to see each other again.

"S-so we meet again!" Biggs started to say, knees shaking. "Now we'll teach you the lesson we should have taught you earlier! I know it might seem cowardly to fight unarmed prisoners…" he trailed off for a moment before Wedge poked him, trying to get his attention. All it did was make Biggs pick up again. "But I dope you appreciate our position. Hey, it's a dog eat do-"

Quistis cracked her whip menacingly.

Wedge paled. "Uh, They're fully armed, sir…"

…..........

Zell wasn't sure how he got himself into these positions. Sure, he'd been affected by what Squall looked like when he'd come to, and he'd been affected by the alarms blaring at him left and right. What he'd done, he realized, was volunteer for a suicide mission. Staying behind so everyone could be lowered to safety. He'd have to run down flights of stars and through alarms and that was a hand on his ass, wasn't it?

"Figured you'd be an escapee," the voice whispered into his ear. Zell snapped away from it, falling onto his previously groped butt. How come every time Seifer showed up he had to loose all grace he ever had?

"What'd you expect?" Zell asked him, watching the gunblade close in over his throat. "A chicken?"

The taller man smirked. "You're lucky she wanted Squall," Seifer told him. "He knows more, anyway. Besides, chicken, you wouldn't have lasted three seconds in that thing."

"What thing?" Zell asked. "What the hell'd ya do to Squall?"

Seifer's smirk turned something evil. "Fried chicken," he mused to himself. "I like the sound of that, I do. Do you think, chicken, do you think if I fried you they'd come running?"

Zell paled. Seifer was an ass, but would he do this? Seifer was his enemy, Zell reminded himself. Seifer was going to always be his enemy. "When were you such a bastard? That's low, even for you," he began, but the blade came closer and his mouth shut. Seifer loomed in.

"Shh. She's looking out for you, too," Seifer told him gently. "You see, she convinced me that I didn't have to fuck you then. I'll have all the time in the world," Seifer told him. "In her utopia, safe from Garden, and safe from SeeDs."

The hickey. Zell's face fell completely and his eyes unfocused as he realized that Quistis had every right to be worried. "What did you do to me?" Zell asked, trying to piece together ideas of his memory. Was he violated in that place? He couldn't remember.

"Just a hickey," Seifer told him, using the gunblade to force Zell's chin up. "I told you already, chicken, I didn't do anything else. She's so much smarter than I am, you see. She knew if I did anything else you'd hate me, and you'd leave me for Squall, and we can't have that, right?" He smirked. "Stand up," he commanded. "I can't have you running around."

Zell stood, aware that though he'd be stronger, his reach wasn't near anything compared to Seifer and his gunblade. Cursing the man with his breath, he allowed himself to be led out of the room, down the stairs, and in front of the damn table. "Lay down, Zell," Seifer commanded.

The choice was near impossible to make. If he lay on the table, Seifer would win. He'd be helpless. If he stayed as he was, he'd be dead.

"I hate you," Zell told him slowly, unmoving. "I'd rather-"

His chest suddenly burned again, like it had earlier. Zell doubled over, and Seifer took no hesitation in strapping Zell to the table. As Zell fought against the restraints, he realized that Squall's blood was still on some of them. Electricity tingled against his back. Seifer leaned over him, and Zell clawed at the restraints to get at them. "Damn you!" Zell yelled. "Damn you Seifer!"

"Shh," Seifer stated, stroking Zell's hair as if he was not aware that Zell was picturing his gory death. "I'll save you."

"You bastard! You're going to fry me!"

"**Silence**," Seifer cast, hoisting Zell upright. Zell pounded against the restraints, but Seifer simply walked away, heading to the control panel. He hit a button.

Instead of a million volts going through him, someone spoke. "Yes, Commander?"

"The prisoners are on the bottom floor. Use every means available to contain them. We have a live specimen in our grasp, it doesn't matter if the others live or die."

"Understood," the commander said, an almost _relieved _tone to his voice. Relieved that he was going to kill innocent people.

Seifer looked at him. "You know, I've never really considered bondage before," he thought out loud, walking in front of him. Zell yelled more silent words, his neck straining. Seifer smirked as he watched the hickey pulse with each heartbeat.

"Zell, Zell. SeeD has brainwashed you, you know. They keep the best from reaching their potentials. They keep you in the dark. What good is a military facility that teaches children to kill things?"

The martial artist's mouth went slack at the mention of his name. Seifer's face came closer. "How would your Ma react if I told her how you slaughtered our men? If I told her you actually decapitated a man with those feet you'd run around in her garden with?"

Broken. That's what Seifer had been hoping for. "See? A real school would never teach you to make your Ma cry." He petted Zell's knee, the only real part of him he could touch.

"Bastard," Zell worded, unable to make a sound.

"Zell," Seifer replied. "Don't you see how romantic this is?"

Cold shock entered him again. Seifer was crazy. Crazy crazy crazy. Seifer slid the table down, back to the laying-down position and kissed Zell on the mouth. Zell's mouth stayed shut, but Seifer wasn't aiming for anything more than chaste right now, anyway.

"I'm going to save you, Zell. I'm going to save you from that damned Squall and then we will be happy." Seifer nuzzled him. "Even if my brain buzzes," he continued, "I still know that you and I were always meant to be."

With that, he lifted the slate back up. "Moombas!" he called, and three came running into the room. "Keep an eye on him. Report if anyone other than a staff member enters the room." With that, he looked up at Zell. "Goodbye for now, princess," he told Zell, and not with an evil smirk, which made it all the worse. "Your future lover is off to do busy work for our sorceress."

And just like that, the bastard was gone, leaving Zell the most vulnerable he had felt in years. _Damn it,_ he thought, wanting to cry. _Why can't I be strong enough? _He struggled again at the constraints.

"Strong?" A moomba piped up, staring at his head. A teardrop hit it's nose, and the moombas started squeaking. **Crying, Crying! Why is he crying!? **

How could this happen? Zell wanted nothing to do with an evil sorceress, or to become Seifer's "future lover". He wasn't Seifer's thing. He wasn't.

The restraints suddenly opened, and Zell fell onto the ground. He didn't even bother to catch himself, and the moombas shuddered unanimously as he hit the ground. "Damn it," he uttered. "Damn it, Damn it, Damn it…." Oh, his voice was back. Now he could shout at a Seifer who wasn't there.

"Dddon't give up!" One moomba told him, helping him up. It licked a scratch on his leg.

The moomba took a step back suddenly. The other moombas sniffed the air and then launched themselves at Zell's leg, Zell not even caring. _Hell, all Seifer wants to do is eat me, _he thought bitterly.

"Old!" they started crying out. "Old!" They waved their paws around them excitedly. Two moombas ran off while the third stayed, trying to help him up. "ffery old!" It shouted at him again. "Fferry!"

"I'm not a fairy," Zell stated automatically, but when the two moombas returned with a mirror, something inside him shivered.

His reflection was smirking at him. **Of course you're not. Fairies don't have the ability to travel through mirrors,** his reflection seemed to say.

"Hhome!" came a moomba's cry. "Fairy, home!"

Zell looked at them, looked at the mirror, and his reflection shrugged. **Can't send them home if you don't know where they live,** his reflection stated.

"Show me other moombas. Not here," he stated, commanding the mirror. The reflection shook its head disapprovingly, but Zell saw a cave with other moombas. And… garden staff, he guessed.

"Shumi," his mouth supplied for him. _The earth-walkers_.

Where was all this knowledge coming from? He touched a mirror, and it rippled.

"Fairy! Home!" the moombas cried, jumping _into_ the mirror. He could see the three on the other side, suddenly, and they waved at him, encouraging him to come in.

"What the hells goin' on in here?" came a cry, and Zell jumped to his feet, shattering the mirror and taking off to downstairs.

Nothing had just happened. Seifer hadn't just told him that his lifelong goal was to have Zell's love, in or out of chains, and Zell hadn't just sent three life forms he didn't know things about through a mirror. It was a giant nightmare occurring, a giant fucking nightmare and when Squall appeared he had never been happier in his life.

...…...

"I've gotta go home!" he was saying. "Mother will worry!"

"You're an orphan now! You don't have parents!" a little boy was yelling at him, holding him back.

"**Zelk?**" the mirror was crying. "**Zelk, where are you? Why are you hiding, my baby?**"

"Mother is calling me!" Zell yelled, inching towards the mirror. It glowed slightly, the full body-length. Even the boy could feel the magic radiating off of it.

"**Mother! Help me! He's keeping me here!**" Zell cried. "**Mother!**"

The magic deepened. The boy hit Zell on the head and managed to throw him back before he felt the deep and angry magic again. This time, it was coming from the boy.

The mirror exploded into a million tiny pieces, each hot and searing as they hit the ground. The boy was breathing heavily as he turned to face Zell, his body almost burning.

"You're mine, you understand? Nobody else's. You're my friend and mine alone."

"I'm not ever gunna be yours!"

Zell woke up into the night, sitting upright on the train. "Zell?" came a voice, and he looked up to see Rinoa and Angelo staring at him.

It took him a while before he realized where they were. Irvine'd come back, rescued them, and now they were headed toward Balamb garden to try and evacuate people. That would at least be simple, he decided. There'd be plenty of time to worry about this whole situation later.

"Just a nightmare," Zell told her. "Sorry."

"Take care, Zell. They're just dreams." She fell back to sleep, but Angelo was watching him still. **Food?**

Zell winced. He could tell what she was saying, and it worried him. With the dreams he was having… maybe he was a fairy after all? Grandpa's nickname for him had been an affectionate "fairy boy" when he was younger, too…

"I don't have food," he informed her, and Angelo sighed and flopped over, sleeping again. Zell scratched his head and lay back down, hoping he'd be able to sleep peacefully, too. After all, evacuating SeeD would be tense, but they should be able to make it.

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

A/N: So one of the things I'm finding is as I go back through the story, I have horrible, horrible, shameful mistakes that I'm going to try and fix. I'll be reworking some of the chapters; since this fic is so old, plot points that no longer matter will be erased for clarity, and new hints will be hidden, I guess, though I suppose if you spend every day of your life reading this fic (doubtful) then you would notice.

Someone asked if my chapters were done; no. I managed to actually write this one in a few weeks, and I'm not sure how. Before the next chapter you'll see edits and removals of previous author notes, because they are no longer relevant.

I am suddenly starting to see why so many people have beta-readers now. Ah, well. It's always good to review your fics again anyway.

Yes, Creepy Seifer is creepy. It has been a long time since I wrote with creepy Seifer (I've not published those ever), and the great part is, creepy Seifer will write himself. There was no hand on ass, no table use again in the original draft, but there was creepy Seifer, so blame him.


	8. Chapter 8

Author's notes:

Hey, I'm back. After a long time.

This is all a long time, isn't it. Hmm. But now there is chapter eight! With flashbacks! Also, if you're not up with the metaphysical (this means you do not like it and do not wish to continue reading it), it's only going to get worse from here on. Just lettin' you know.

Also, thanks to Sukoshima Aika for contacting me and reminding me that I still have stories that need completing.

Right. Well. Who needs studying and sleep anyway, right?

…………

**Chapter eight**

………….

The garden was flying. It was a weird idea that the giant Centra building shaped like a cocoon could get up and fly, but every now and then the building would rock to one side, giving people motion sickness and the idea was made just a little bit more real. Since most students had been hiding in the building during the whole "garden master" thing, it took a while before Cid calmed them down and told them to get back to their dorms. Some students, the very few that commuted, were given empty dorms by students unfortunate enough to have been out of garden. Such as Seifer's room.

Zell had volunteered to take his stuff, which wasn't much. A few books, trinkets, and clothes but he made it all in one trip. Most of Seifer's stuff was in boxes, anyway.

Being awesomely strong didn't hurt his chances of making it in one trip, either.

So now Seifer's stuff was in his room, a very eerie feeling. He turned over on his bed and saw the boxes staring back at him. He hadn't even looked through them- he was too afraid to. The memory of Seifer putting him in bonds was still fresh and still very painful. Luckily, he hadn't done the packing of Seifer's stuff at all- it was as if someone had been expecting to leave and the boxes were all ready to go. It was one of those small miracles, he thought, because dealing with that much Seifer was a almost too much Seifer.

Hell, that entire episode in the prison was a little too much, and he was putting everything that he could behind him. No thoughts of sending moombas to places he'd never seen, no ideas of his hands being dirty, nothing.

Something had to be screwy with Seifer's head, Zell told himself, flipping through a magazine he had found in D-District called "Combat King". Strangely, it was filled with all sorts of useful information- how to brace against monsters when their skin was pure poison, or how to predict the trajectory of bullets in a pinch (it did come with a warning label saying that it was not to be used in lieu of training or that it was not entirely possible to do so). It even had some sweet moves Zell would have to try next time. Perhaps it was the only thing Zell did not want to put behind him.

What had Seifer said to him, Zell tried to remember, between the lines of "She told me not to rape you 'cause that would be stupid" or "I'm going to save you?" Something about buzzing, but Zell had forgotten exactly what he had said. Besides, Seifer didn't really do anything for him- just tied him up, came onto him and-

The one thing Seifer had ever done for him was help him come to terms with his homosexuality. Obviously, getting beat up and weirded the hell out in the prison wasn't the helpful part of Seifer at all, but Zell could remember how thrilled he was last time he was in this bed when Seifer had sweet words.

_"I'm trying to ask you out, chicken."_

Somehow at the idea that he could potentially be something other than human being a gay man no longer bothered him. He was putting it all in perspective, really.

The martial artist put down his magazine and looked at a box labeled _Seifer's stuff_. The boxes remained unopened. Zell's thoughts drifted back to Seifer's face.

He'd panicked. Zell was sure his face had been bright red and his heart had been fluttering at the time, horribly worse than any schoolgirl drama he'd seen. Another part of him wanted to pin Seifer onto the bed and forgo the whole asking out part of dating (and a good deal of the "dating"). Now it was all a faint memory. Seifer had tried to kill him once, not a very good relationship bond, and locking him into a torture device was another reason not to seek Seifer out.

Even if parts of him were still yearning- yearning, who used that word other than those bad romance novels Ma read?- still yearning for Seifer's arms around his back, to feel Seifer's lips against his own, to lick every inch of Seifer's skin-

There was also the whole "with the sorceress" thing.

Zell set the magazine down. There was no way Seifer could be sane and still expect Zell to join him. It had to be that the sorceress was manipulating him. Had to be, right?

Seifer's statement about the hickey flew into his head, and he winced. It was rather painfully obvious, wasn't it? The sorceress was making him crazy, and stuff?

"Man, I never understand these things," he sighed again, thinking back on what had happened. And tried to ignore the kissing, or how great it would feel to have bondage involved with-

His chest had hurt, he remembered, sitting up. He'd been just about ready to tackle Seifer, suicide or not, and his chest suddenly felt on fire and he'd doubled over. _That wasn't normal, right? _He asked himself.

Maybe he should have seen a doctor, he wondered. That sort of thing might be trouble in the future, and so his feet moved out the door.

Seifer's boxes of things watched him go.

…………

"My chest has started hurting," Zell told her, sitting on the bed. "It got slashed pretty good, but when we were in the prison, it hurt again, and I'm not sure if it got healed properly."

Kadowaki looked at him. "Did you heal it yourself?" she asked him, opening his file.

"No," Zell told her. "That's why I'm worried."

Raising an eyebrow, she looked through his parent's medical history. "Well, how was it healed?" she asked him again.

"I don't know. I got beat up pretty badly," Zell told her, taking off his shirt. "After the sorceress and all, I stayed behind to try and keep the soldiers away. They must have taken me in the same medical truck as Squall or somethin'."

"Let me see," she stated, motioning for him to lie down. "It was a good job," she replied. "Looks like one of our students did it."

"Seifer, probably," Zell remarked offhandedly, staring at the flower patterns on the curtain. He didn't think flowers got that pink when they had that many petals. "I mean, he cut me an' all, and gave me a hickey when I was knocked out, professed his love to me and tried to keep me safe in a torture device. His mind's screwy an' all, and he scares me."

Kadowaki stopped prodding the scar with her fingers. "Seifer, you think?" she asked him, hand pulling away. The information didn't even phase her.

"He had time to give me a hickey," Zell told her. "And I remember someone saying that they'd save me as an iv dripped in my arm. Later, Seifer admitted to the hickey and said the same words…so…"

Kadowaki set his file down. "He sounds to be a bit unbalanced now." She glanced over to another file, one that was nice and thick and had the gunblader's name on it.

"Yeah, but whatever, right? He's not gunna come here, in the middle of Garden that he just tried to blow up. I just wanna know why my chest felt on fire twice in the prison. I'm not going to have a heart attack or something, right?" Zell looked like a worried puppy.

She sighed. "Look at you, picture of health. You're young, spry, and your family doesn't have a history of heart failure or high blood pressure, so I'm doubting that's the case. Still, if you're complaining of pain, I'll have a look at you through x-ray and some magic scans. I won't put you in an MRI just yet, in case there's a metal bit floating inside you." Kadowaki moved to the files and pulled another one out, set it on her desk and walked away. "I'm going to go get the magic-scan ready. It will take a few minutes, with the power the way it is," she told him.

Zell nodded, folding his hands over his chest and looking at his own file. He didn't really have any illness, but his family's medical history was in there as well. His eyes fell over his Pa's picture and the words next to it. Deceased: Accident.

He remembered that day.

………

"Hey, kiddo," a voice stated, and Zell opened his eyes, rubbing them.

"Mornin', Pa," he began. "Did I oversleep?" his eyes moved to the clock, then back at Pa.

"Nah," Pa told him, ruffling his hair. "I just wanted to say goodbye before I go out on my job. Lotsa fish in this one. Lotsa money to be made."

Zell nodded. "One day, I'm going to be a fisher," he told his Pa sleepily.

"Oh? What happened to being a solider like your Grandpa?" Pa asked him, chuckling. "Go back to bed, kiddo. Your ma will want help in the garden today, I'm sure. Lotsa chrysanthemums, lilies, and carnations, I think."

"They're all very chatty," Zell agreed, sinking back into the pillow. "They like to talk about people who've died. Sometimes they scare me."

"I know," his father said seriously. After a pause, he spoke again.

"I don't get to say this often, Zell, but I'm proud of you."

The happiness inside Zell was enough to make him bounce back up. "Really?" he asked, his eyes wide with awake. "Thanks, Pa! I promise I'll try to make you prouder! I'll really do my best at helping Ma today!" He hugged his pa around the waist, smiling.

His pa hugged him back, tightly, almost a little too long. When he let go, Zell lay back down, feigning sleep. Pa tucked him in, turning off the hall light so Zell couldn't see.

…………

Kadowaki whacked him over the head with a file. "All right then, day dreamer. Let's get you in this thing." Zell grinned, thankful for the distraction and followed her into the contraption. He lay down, his head not completely free of events. What the file had failed to say was that when he was working in the garden with Ma, he'd had a mental breakdown. The flowers, he had thought, had started talking about Pa, and he'd run to his grandpa to complain, shouting at the flowers all the while that Pa couldn't be dead.

The magic washed over him, tickling him.

"May I tell you a story?" Kadowaki said. "It'll help pass the time."

"You gunna tell me 'bout why we have these crazy, hospital-only devices?" Zell asked her, twitching his toes. He figured that wouldn't hurt anything, at least.

"Ambulances can't get here quick enough. We used to have a full, working staff before the whole Garden Master thing." She smirked. "No, I think I'll need to tell you about something top secret."

"Sweet!" Zell stated, almost throwing his fist up in the air but remembering last second. "You can count on me, baby!"

Kadowaki stared at him for a few moments as she processed his overabundance of enthusiasm. "Well," she said, resigned. "If Seifer is against us, if he's after you, you should know everything."

Zell's joy died at the realization that Kadowaki was dead serious. "Can't you lose your job for that?" he asked her.

"Yes," she began. "But it's all in the file, and I have a theory. If the theory's right, you might as well know." Lights flashed around Zell's eyes, as if bright, harsh light was going to smooth over the situation.

"Seifer has no parents," Kadowaki said directly. "He was one of a many from orphanages. Since we don't have family history, all orphans are subject to a genetic test for possible diseases or problems. We don't want an unbalanced person or an idiot running out in the field."

"Makes sense," Zell agreed. Somehow Zell had never thought Seifer had ever had parents. Maybe that would explain why Seifer was such an asshole, with no guiding father figures present in his life.

"But that's not a reason to deny them an education, as Cid put it. Well, Seifer's results came back."

"And?"

The machine beeped. "And the findings were inconclusive. It was as if he wasn't human. So we put a note in his file with caution surrounding it." Kadowaki made a humming noise. "On his second day here, his class went out training. He was eight, I believe. He got separated from the group, but suddenly there was a loud explosion and fire had broken out. After the sprinklers had kicked in and everyone evacuated, Seifer was found in the middle of the fire, unhurt, and two charred T-rexaurs around him."

Zell bet Seifer had a smug face at that time, too, his little eight-year-old-self laughing at the T-rexaurs. Kadowaki continued.

"I believe Cid related it to his original orphanage, who then mentioned one of their buildings had inexplicitly caught fire and then died off without warning. Seifer had been caught standing outside, but when he was called inside, the fire had died."

"So…Seifer is a pyro…fire-maker or somethin'?" Zell asked her, and Kadowaki chuckled at him, and the machine beeped off. He pushed himself out of the machine.

"It would seem so. This is why he was never let into SeeD. Garden decided to give him a GF, Leviathan, right away, and it cooled down his magical abilities. I believe he had it on him just until this past SeeD test." She turned off the machine. "Nothing unusual for you, though. Let's put you in the MRI, then."

"Do you think he was mentally attacking me?" Zell asked her quietly. "I mean, was he gunna set me on fire?"

"If he wanted to capture you and keep you alive, certainly not intentionally." Kadowaki turned on the big machine, which made lots of creaking noises. "But often, what do we associate with passion?"

"Lilacs," Zell replied automatically.

Kadowaki raised an eyebrow. "Flames of passion? Ring a bell?"

Zell was taken aback. "Like, lust or somethin'?" he blanched. "This is too much," he whimpered. Even if Seifer had asked him out the day before, it wasn't enough for… that kind of passion, was it?

"Lay down," Kadowaki told him. "You've got no metal on you, right?"

"Don't think so," Zell told her. "I didn't put any on me, anyway."

"Good." She stepped into a second room, contacting him through a mic. "It's possible that what you felt was passion, but through his own creation, so it burned you."

"Then… what should I do?" Zell asked her. "I mean, none of this even sounds real."

Kadowaki paused, her head staring at the monitor, somehow wanting to see something wrong. Something to tell her that she was in fact, making up bullshit that wasn't even plausible. Magic existed, sure, but the stories of the races did not.

_It can't be incomplete, she thought, staring at the paper. Just like the last fifty times, there was an error code. It didn't translate into human DNA. _

_ Norg was standing over her, so much less of a pig than he would become. "Widen your parameters. Include us Shumi."_

_ The program ran again, taking its time. "I don't believe that he would cause such an error."_

_ "It is possible…" came someone's voice. "Could he be a Knight?"_

_ Someone then shushed the other, and Norg shook his head. "My apologies," he told Kadowaki and Cid. "My companions speak of the ancient myth of the Shumis, that Hyne's power divided and splintered the Centra into races based on magic. Such unscientific things are unworthy of your time, I am sure."_

_ Kadowaki frowned, and the computer popped up. The readings so far were fine this time, halfway down, but then the errors started occurring again. "Well, I suppose we'll have to play him by ear. Watch his systems carefully for any sign of disease or any sign of mental trauma."_

_ "I have a feeling he's already had it," Norg stated dangerously, staring at the boy through the glass as a young Seifer kicked his legs over the table, wondering why all the adults were taking so long in the back room. "What, being an orphan and all."_

Zell was playing his own memories in the MRI.

_"Fairy-boy, I think you should stop talking to the flowers," his grandpa told him. "You really freaked out your ma today."_

_ Zell turned to his grandpa, crying. "They said Pa was dead," he uttered, hiding back under the blankets. "Pa can't be dead! He's going to get lots of fish and he's going to make lots of money! He said so! If I had a mirror-"_

_ "There are lots of mirrors, here. Lots of flowers," his grandpa told him, picking him up, blankets and all, and holding him close. "But you can't talk to flowers, and you can't look through mirrors. Nobody can do that."_

_ "I could, Zell hiccupped. "If I had a mirror right now, I could prove them wrong!" _

_ Grandpa paused, listening to Zell's unsteady breathing. "Zell," he stated seriously. "You're twelve now, right? It's time to grow up now, son."_

_ "They were really talking!" Zell argued, crying again. "Why do they say such mean things?"_

_ "Zell." His grandpa held him tighter. "You've got to let go of that dream." He pulled the covers down. "You forget your mirrors and flowers, and I'll forget my Alystine. Deal?"_

_ "Deal," Zell told him weakly. _

"Nothing," Kadowaki told him. "I'm sorry, Zell, I don't know what to tell you."

Zell sighed as he slid out of the MRI. "You think he'll make me explode from here?"

"I highly doubt he has that reach," Kadowaki told him. "More than likely, he's probably preoccupied with his Sorceress, yes?"

Zell frowned, thinking of the woman with the golden eyes. "Yeah, I guess."

_ "Your future lover is off to do busy work for our sorceress."_

Kind of like that, Zell supposed as he thought about the line Seifer had told him. Kadowaki patted his back. "If it happens, let me know. We might have to get some anti-magic medicine involved, but I don't want to use it just yet. I'd rather wait until we land or hit something."

Zell nodded. "Yeah. Well, thanks, Kadowaki," he told her. "That was more than I expected, but thanks." He waved goodbye at her, the information rolling over and over in his head.

……

The next time Zell decided, he ever wanted to follow Squall into an elevator to the basement he would just take the stairs instead. The first time, when missiles were flying at the Garden, had been acceptable. Watching Cid yell and scream and be able to do nothing was not near as satisfying as hitting a hunk of junk and making the garden fly.

However, watching a lump of yellow flesh run around in a pod-thing and then retreating was interesting. Just not something he'd want to do again. All the Garden Staff stood back, unsure of what to do.

"What the hell was that?" he asked, poking at the outer shell. It was dormant.

"Forget about it for now," Squall replied, not actually on top of the thing but on the ground, checking his gunblade for damage. Angelo growled at the thing as it sank deeper into itself.

Rinoa was more focused on Squall. "I can't believe you said that. I think what just happened is really serious," she told him, trying to grab his arm. Squall pulled away a little too sharply than he intended.

"What's the _point_ of talking about it now!? You don't know what's going on either!"

Rinoa took a step back, shock and hurt on her face. Angelo trotted to her side.

As he looked at Rinoa's face, taking it in, his expression softened back into his old self. "This is crazy," he continued, not looking at her. "I don't know what's going on anymore. I feel like a helpless puppet being manipulated in some major scheme."

Rinoa bit her lip. "Squall," she began, but her voice trailed off. She had no more idea what to say than Zell did. Zell hopped down, the Garden Staff watching him curiously, ever inching their way toward their leader.

He sighed, looking around the room and Garden Staff and SeeDs, and stood straight, putting his gunblade in safety mode. "Yeah," he decided, as if having a conversation in his head. "I'm going to see the headmaster."

Zell was secretly glad at the turn of events. At least he wasn't going to think about Seifer's mental state for a while. Or his own memories of the past.


	9. Chapter 9

Standard disclaimers apply (I do not own FFVIII but if I did….I would be rich, and there would be more gay sex), although at this point I'm going to tell you that this strange non-human stuff? That wasn't part of the original plan. Somehow it snuck in here. I don't know why.

Oh, yes, because I had some sort of mental lapse? Why did I think this extra nonsense was a good idea? BUT I WILL TAKE IT AND RUN WITH IT. Do not worry.

There are about 7 chapters or so left. I know, because I wrote them down so they would remain unchanging. I also know that the lack of update is frustrating. Trust me, so is the lack of time I have to write. Double-majoring eats up your time. The next few chapters may or may not be shorter. This is mainly because I feel the plot is starting to meander for a bunch of chapters, and we could use less meandering. When I write chapters that have more words than basic assignments, we could all use a little less meandering. Hence why our chapters for the game start speeding up.

THANK YOU FOR NOT GIVING UP ON ME JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT THANKS

Chapter 9

There was thunder flashing outside the window. Rain and hail were pelting against it, making strange shapes that looked a lot like faces to Zell. He'd never liked thunderstorms, and he really didn't like the way the window looked like a mirror, but it was a fake one. Matron had bought other mirrors, all of them somewhat cracked and broken and they were no good. His mouth made a pout and he glared over at Seifer's bed angrily. It had been a few months, but he wasn't about to forget.

The angry waves reached his ears, and he wondered if mermaids were playing outside. Sometimes his dad said they would play in the giant storms, beings of water and thunder. Even if that were true, he didn't want to go outside. He'd get wet. Something caught his eye, though, and he realized Seifer wasn't in his bed.

That was dangerous! They weren't supposed to leave their beds at night, Matron would be angry! Zell left his bed to promptly find Seifer and let him know how dangerous it was to leave his bed. There were a few places Zell liked to go to- the burned out lighthouse was a favorite- but he should check the house first. Maybe Seifer went to the guest room?

Floorboards squeaked underneath him as he crept along the kitchen, trying to make it to the guestroom. Hail sounds masked him out and he opened the door, calling softly into the bedroom "Seifer?"

"Behind you, crybaby," came a voice, and Zell let out a yelp as a hand pushed him inside and onto the floor. Seifer rushed in after him and locked the door. "Shut up! They'll find you!"

"Who?" Zell asked, but Seifer only covered his mouth. It was in that instant that Zell realized Seifer had a knife.

That was also dangerous! Seifer was breaking so many rules!

"The bad people. They come in on thunderstorms and they kill everyone in a village." He swallowed. "I'm not gonna let them get me again." He sat next to the fallen boy, his front facing the door and his hands grabbing the knife. The smaller boy sat up and sat next to him.

"You'd probably just use your fire to burn them," Zell said angrily, pouting, but not moving from Seifer's side. Seifer took one of his hands and squeezed them.

"Yeah," Seifer agreed. "It'd protect us."

"Seifer, it's okay," Zell told him gently. "There isn't anybody in this storm." He squeezed Seifer's hand back, trying to comfort him. "It's just rain and thunder, I promise."

Seifer said nothing, scooting closer to Zell as footsteps were heard. They passed, and Zell set his head on Seifer's shoulder. "I'm sleepy," he admitted as the hail started to die down. His eyes moved to a clock- the lightning flashed- they had been sitting there an hour. Sleepily Zell nuzzled his way into Seifer's shoulder, trying to take comfort in the tensed child.

"Go to sleep," the older boy told him, moving so Zell could sleep on his lap or something. "I'll protect you."

His mouth opened to reply, but at that moment Zell was thrown out of his bed at Garden and awoke startled as one of Seifer's boxes of belongings jammed into him. Wincing, he tossed it aside and heard the noise of an announcement dying down. "Probably hit somethin'" he stated out loud, groaning as his leg throbbed. He must of hit it while falling on the floor.

He lay back for a second, thinking of what had happened recently- Ellone, Cid, Seifer-

He groaned, knowing he was going to regret this. But his reflection looked at him grinning anyway as he touched the mirror, his reflection rippling. "Show me-"

A knock came on the door. "SeeD Dincht?"

Zell sighed in exasperation (of course someone would call him as he worked up the guts to spy on Seifer) and he reached out toward some pants. "I'm comin', just a second," he stated, pulling his pants up. A shirt lying on the ground happened to be thrown on as well. A look in the mirror and his reflection had put on the same clothes, touching his hair and laughing- Zell was sure his bangs were out of place as he hadn't bothered to gel them up. "Stupid reflection," he hissed as he opened the door. Xu stood on the other side, waiting with Rinoa. "You're to go to Fisherman's Horizon, and explain the situation," she told him, "Squall will be your Squad Leader. Make sure you find the mayor and inform him that we have come in peace. Also, you'll want to take the deck on the 2nd floor, by the classrooms."

Zell nodded, saluting. Rinoa giggled. "Maybe you should take some time to fix your hair."

Xu repressed a smirk as she turned on her heel to go somewhere else. "Granted." As she walked away, Zell's posture collapsed.

"Man, that was an awakening," he mentioned to Rinoa. "I'll be back in a few-"

Rinoa had already made it inside his room. Damn, that woman was fast. Zell bit back his uneasiness as he moved towards his sink and mirror, hoping it would behave- it usually did with human reflections-

It winked at him. Zell only paled more as he started his sink.

"It's so clean," Rinoa commented. "You even have some sort of fern."

"It's a daylily, not a fern," Zell corrected as he started scrubbing up his face. "I got a violet over to your right." He could hear the girl looking and he could hear the violet giggling-

-_plants don't talk_, he reminded himself automatically as he wiped his face off with a wet washcloth.

"Zell?"

Zell wanted to roll his eyes as the intruder of his room. His room was sacred! It wasn't a place for people to explore. He leaned out of the tiny bathroom to see what Rinoa wanted.

"Is…this Seifer's stuff?"

The box. Damn, he forgot that it had slid out from the bed when the Garden stopped. "Yeah," he admitted. "His room went to a non-dorm student when the garden took off, so I volunteered to take his stuff."

Rinoa was searching through the box. Zell was sure his eyebrow twitched. "Hey, it's a diary!" she stated. "I wonder what he wrote about me!" As she opened it and started flipping pages, Zell wondered if he should feel shame at also wanting to go through the man's stuff.

"Ooh, this is cute." Rinoa told him. "It's when he first came to Garden!" She smiled. "Here, I'll read it out to you as you do your hair, _princess_," she chided at him. "We've got a mission, right?"

Zell bit his lip as he went back to the mirror, this time his reflection actually reflecting his face for him.

"March 8- I'm moving to Garden. Squall is coming too. It's in a place called Balamb. Matron seems very sad, but she keeps getting sick and she says it will teach us a lot that we can show her some day." Rinoa smiled. "Ah, so they've known each other for so long! That would make a lot of sense, I guess. They've even got matching scars, right?"

"Yeah, through training. Makes sense, they've always been rivals since I've known 'em." Matron. Zell winced mentally, his mind fuzzy but his dreams lately had some sort of matron in them, didn't they? But that didn't make sense, because he'd always lived with Ma and Pa. His hands dipped themselves in more gel.

"Balamb's also the place where that jerk lives. Maybe I can find him there and-" Rinoa's voice trailed off.

Quickly, Zell ran his hands through his hair, knowing his "cement" (as his Ma called it) would take care of his hair worries. "What?" he asked, his hands running through the water and drying themselves off on a towel.

Rinoa was looking through the pages. "And take back Zell," she finished. She looked up at him. "You knew Seifer?"

"What?" Zell looked at it. "No way. I grew up in Balamb, with Grandpa and Ma and Pa an'-" He paused, his memory fuzzy. He remembered when Pa died, but he didn't remember too much before- he remembered his Grandpa in a parade and he was next to him but Pa and Ma weren't there, he remembered Grandpa telling him stories of Pa's mother, Alystine. And then Pa took him around to the mirrors-

-_Why had he taken me around all the mirrors?_

"Can you remember?" Rinoa looked up at him. "He's actually written a lot about you. And then it just kinda stops." She paused. "I wonder- Irvine mentioned something about GFs affecting memory?"

"That's not proven yet, though," Zell told her, rubbing the back of his head. How weird, he thought. Maybe these dreams were real? Except for the sex ones, of course-

His alarm clock blinked the time and Zell swore. "Let's get going," he told her. "Let's solve this mystery when we come back, yeah? We might even be able to get Squall to let us know what's going on."

Rinoa made no mention of the swearing, though Angelo (he hadn't even noticed that the dog had set himself up on his bed) dropped her ears in disapproval. _That's not appropriate for a princess_. "Yeah, let's go! I'm glad Xu showed me to your room. This Garden is so huge, I kept getting lost."

"Oh? Have you tried asking Squall to walk you around?"

Rinoa looked a bit sheepish. "I tried," she explained. "But…" she trailed off as she exited the room, Angelo behind her.

"Ah." There was much sympathy in Zell's voice as he closed the door. "Just said no, huh?"

Rinoa followed him as they walked toward the elevator. "No, he just got angry," she admitted.

"Angry? Really?" The surprise in Zell's voice caused Rinoa to look up. "I mean, no one makes Squall angry. Not even Seifer."

The princess didn't look so happy about it, though. The elevator ride down was merely an awkward silence. Finally, watching as the elevator moved up (Zell supposed Squall would meet them here, though like hell if he was going to follow him into one again). "Well, I mean, Squall doesn't show emotions to anyone," Zell continued, finally having an idea of what to say. "So if he's angry, that's a real start for him. Probably the one thing he has to get off his chest."

Rinoa titled her head. "I guess."

Zell shrugged, doing some shadow boxing. "Well, we all got things that stress us out, right? Like a tea kettle, and we got something that'll let out the steam. But Squall doesn't have that, so when you take the lid off him you might get burned at first. Or something."

Rinoa giggled as the elevator moved downwards. "Squall tea," she stated. Angelo did not approve.

The doors opened and Squall stepped forward as if he had been expecting them. "We're here!" Rinoa told him cheerfully. At the same time, Zell asked "Are we going to fisherman's?"

Squall nodded and Zell winced as he headed back onto the elevator.

…

There was nothing but anxiety going through Seifer as he stepped into the Garden with his Sorceress. He had failed his sorceress- Trabia Garden was impaired, but Balamb had somehow managed to escape- both good and bad. The Garden Master Norg had contacted the Sorceress in an apology- or at least, he had tried to contact him. Edea wouldn't-

Edea-

There was the other problem. Every so often his mind would start going fuzzy, especially when he tried to remember anything from his childhood. He was sure the woman in his dreams, Matron, and the sorceress now were the same, but he didn't know how that could be, and he wasn't about to ask.

The headmaster Martine had been told to leave the Garden, and his sorceress and several hundred troops had occupied it. After the soldiers went through to make sure it was clear- Seifer was sure there were stowaways though- the sorceress was called to approve and set up there.

"Do not worry, my Knight," she told him softly, her hand on his shoulder for a brief moment. "This has all been foreseen."

"No free will at all?" Seifer mused to himself, and the hand on his shoulder tightened, but moved. Afraid he had upset her, he peaked a look at her face. It held a very sad impression that he had not seen before. "My apologies," he told her before a commander stood in front of her.

"We have discovered that G-Garden has flying capabilities," the minion announced. "Much like B-Garden, they lay dormant in the original Centra design."

"Amusing," the sorceress replied. "The Centra were always full of such surprises."

"There seems to be a control board up in the command room, the same that you wished to be stationed in. The systems seem to be in tact-"

"Lead me to it and continue," his sorceress interrupted. The commander nodded and walked beside her, Seifer in tow.

"But we cannot decipher the Centra script."

Before he knew it, Seifer was staring straight at the command desk. How-When-

His mind began to fuzz up again. Wincing, he stared the commands. They seemed to make sense to him; altitude, height, speed, wind resistance, rotation. "You can't understand this?" he asked, and his sorceress looked up with an amused expression on her face.

"Excuse us for a moment," she told the commander, and it was amusing to see how many people left the room. Seifer would have paled, but he held himself firm.

"Here, this one is for altitude, this one is how fast we're going, this one is a compass…" he trailed off. His sorceress was coming closer.

"And since when did you, my Knight, learn to read a forgotten language?" Her face was hiding something. Seifer supposed it was rage.

"I dunno. It just makes sense to me." He winced. "Also, there's an unregulated GF down in the central lobby."

She smiled, her lips pursed- not like he remem-

Fuzz-

He was on his knees, his mind in shambles, but he managed to find his own words. "You're Matron, aren't you?"

Arms surrounded him gently, but he really couldn't tell as his mind was fighting some unknown force and he really just wanted to curl up into a ball and sleep next to Zell, because then nothing would find him there-

"I am," her words came. "But I will not lie to you, Seifer, because you are my knight. I am also someone else."

Something lifted- guilt- but Seifer didn't know whose guilt it was and he merely nodded.

There was a knock on the door, and his sorceress-

_-Ultimacia, the thought her mind had whispered-_

-moved to answer it. "What?" she asked.

"My deepest apologies. But the attack on FH has been stopped. SeeD crash landed there and was able to push our armies back." The man saluted the same way that everyone ever saluted, afraid, respectful. Everyone was the same.

Her body was calm, Seifer knew, and she made no outward sound. But he could hear her in his mind, and inside she was screaming.

"SEED SEED SEED SEED SEED! Kursed SeeDs, why must they ruin everything? Why kan they not let me-"

Everything went fuzzy again, and when Seifer came to, the Garden was flying. His sorceress was behind him, pleased. Why was everything so washed out?

"Very good," she murmured. "Very good indeed."

Seifer was suddenly aware of how tired he was, as if he had used up far too much energy. "What did I-"

"You started the engine," she told him gently, leading him off the platform while all the other soldiers stayed their distance. "As these ignorant fools were unable to understand this building, you have proven once again why you are superior."

Shakily the knight nodded, far too exhausted. It felt like that time in his dream, when he had set the lighthouse on fire. "Did… I burn anyone?" came his question and his sorceress shook her head gently, as she took him to a side room with a chair and a sofa. The sofa was the most inviting.

"No. You only did what you had to, my knight."

Not caring how weak he looked, he fell into the sofa. "I'm cold," he murmured, and his sorceress touched his cheek gently, her face full of familiar smiles.

"Not for long." With that, his eyes shut, exhausted. The woman's smile turned into wickedness as she stood, ready to return to the idiots waiting for her in the hall. It was a very good thing he had given his only GF to Fujin. A very good thing indeed.

…

The notebook/journal/diary thing still was at the edge of the bed, calling Zell like a siren to read its delicious innards. He was pretty sure that was what the book was saying, anyway, and he really didn't want to wrap his mind around it that night. He scratched his head. He was tired of trying to list things that he'd achieved. He was tired of sorting out his feelings. Suddenly he was tired of everything and he turned to the mirror.

His reflection looked back at him, worried. Sighing, he pressed his forehead against the mirror. "You know, I don't think I saw you 'till I came to Garden," he admitted to the mirror. "I thought you were some illusion."

Memories of the time flew back at him. He was thirteen, and his roommate had left. He had screamed when his reflection waved back at him, stretching. It never seemed to be out of place with other people, but when he was alone it did whatever it pleased.

Lips were pressed against his forehead. Zell meant to raise his head but instead exhaustion washed over him. "Thanks," he murmured. "For being there."

He could feel himself falling forward and two arms moved to catch him-

His chest was on fire.

Cursing, Zell moved away from the mirror. His reflection also seemed in pain, also cursing albeit silently as it hit the edge of the glass with its closed fists. Zell moved to his bed unsure if he'd be able to stand or not. As he lifted up the covers, he was suddenly embraced by a familiar translucent sight and pulled into the bed, the covers sneaking up around them like a nest.

"You're so warm," Seifer murmured.

"Oh, hell," Zell inhaled. He struggled out of the grip, but it was far too tight. "Not after the shit you pulled, this isn't happening."

"I'm cold," Seifer argued, pulling Zell back into the bed. Zell tore free, angrily shouting at the man.

"You tried to _kill_ me! Twice!" He swung his arms around wildly. "You put something in me! Get out! You aren't welcome here!"

One of the cold man's eyes cracked open. "Please," he whispered, his hand reaching out for Zell's own. "It is so quiet here, and I'm tired and you're warm."

"You tell me what you did to me," Zell replied evenly, angry. "What did you do to make my chest _burn_." There was never going to be another opportunity to call the shots. Damn it if Seifer tried to take that away from him this time!

Seifer looked up groggily. "That's my fire," he seemed to explain.

Zell wanted to facepalm, or hit Seifer. Instead he allowed himself to get closer to the less lucid man, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Why is it here?"

Seifer merely grinned and climbed into Zell's lap, head resting against his stomach. "You're warm," Seifer murmured before he trailed off.

Funny, Zell thought, Seifer had no weight. A quick experimentation of bouncing the gunblader's head proved this. Maybe it was all a mental thing, and Seifer was exhausted mentally?

At least he recognized the fire, Zell decided, before slipping into sleep. It wasn't as if Seifer was going to wake up or leave, and he was quite tired. As he shut his eyes he was aware of the flame inside him growing warmer- not unpleasant heat, but it was definitely reacting to Seifer, who was shivering. Not even sure if it would matter, Zell placed the covers around the two of them.

"You're an asshole," he muttered as he allowed himself to hold Seifer tightly. He didn't want to, of course, especially after what insane nonsense had happened at the prison. He didn't want to, of course, because Seifer had tried to stab him and was off his rocker. But maybe it was that Seifer was sleeping or that Seifer seemed to mention the "quiet" versus the buzzing he had last- Zell entertained his last thread of hope that Seifer was being more and more influenced by the sorceress; brainwashed. Maybe it was the hint that Seifer was also not human.

Seifer's breathing (why was the ghost thing breathing?) was a pure relaxant. Zell's mind instantly worried about the tap-dance performance he'd have tomorrow night, and then moved into a dance with all sorts of other children, and finally it moved to a dance with all sorts of pretty flower petals.

"Zelk," someone was calling. "Zelk, don't wander off too far."

But Zelk smiled at his mother, assuring her that he'd not wander off. She left him, and he did just that, looking in the mirror and entering inside of it.

There were many other mirrors, but Zelk finally saw one at the end of the hallway and he walked to it. It was spattered in red, which was unusual.

As his eyes adjusted to the other side he could see it was raining outside. As his eyes adjusted he could see the woman as she fell to the ground.

There was a boy pressed against the glass, screaming and crying. Zelk reached out-

Zell's eyes opened. Seifer was still next to him, sleeping. The martial artist smiled softly, watching the gunblader's unguarded face. "You're really pretty when you aren't an asshole," he murmured.

Seifer merely snuggled closer to Zell's chest.


End file.
